notsalmon

Theres a famous expression: Its just as easy to love a rich man as it is to love a poor man.

Theres also a not-so-famous expression (because I’m now just making it up!): Its just as easy to COMPLAINabout a rich man as it is to COMPLAIN about a poor man.

Although the total absence of an income might bring its share of stress into a relationship, adamantly seeking a marital partner whos a millionaire wont necessarily guarantee you a lifetime of bliss.

Consistently studies show that individuals who prioritize wealth over close human connection tend to be less happy. And this is consistent in every culture.

Sociological researcher H. W. Perkins surveyed 800 college alumni, and discovered that those who reported Yuppie Values (preferring high income, job success, and status over enjoying truly close friendships and highly connected love relationships) were twice as likely to describe themselves as fairly unhappy or very unhappy.

Interestingly, a similar correlation appeared among 7,167 college students surveyed in 41 countries. Those who prioritized love over money reported higher life satisfaction than their money obsessed pals.

And what about that rumor: Money problems are a top cause of divorce?

Mere hearsay according to Jan Andersen, associate professor at CSU Sacramento, who did extensive sociological research and wrote a doctoral dissertation on this very subject.

“As a predictor of divorce, money problems are so minor,” Andersen says. “If we look at all the causes of divorce, financial problems can only account for 5 percent of the effect.”

On an interesting note, when Anderson first embarked on his research, his goal was to prove a cause and affect link between money and divorce. Andersen was both a child of divorce and a teacher of personal finance and so he liked the concept that improving money managing skills might improve marriage success rates.

However to Andersen’s surprise, the only research he found showing an actual link between money and divorce was one mere survey from 1948, of postwar divorced women asked what ended their marriages. Their leading response: nonsupport. Translation: Hubby wasnt providing enough money.

But Andersen clarified that nonsupport was one of the only grounds you could use to get a divorce back then. Plus, this survey focused only on wives opinions. Not husbands.

Recent research, however, consistently showed money playing a far lesser role in divorce, usually ranking about fifth in the blame line up, behind incompatibility, lack of emotional support, abuse and sexual problems.

Andersen hypothesis: Money is a more socially acceptable reason for divorce than confessing to abuse or sexual problems, so people claim it out loud more often.

Another essential point to keep in mind: Even when couples fight about money, theyre often really fighting about more important underlying problems, reminds Olivia Mellan, a Washington D.C. therapist and author of “Money Harmony: Resolving Money Conflicts in Your Life and Relationships.”

“Its always what the money represents: dependency, control, freedom, security, pleasure, self-worth,” explains Mellan.

The lesson to be learned from all this: All the money in the world wont make you happy. But a loving highly connected relationship just might.

With this in mind, heres some priceless money and love advice:

1. When in the courting phase, make sure you and your paramour do a range of activities having nada to do with moola. Go for a picnic in the park. Eat in a greasy spoon diner. Cook at home and watch an old movie. Suss out how much you enjoy each others company while merely putting cheese whiz on a Ritz, and not putting on the Ritz or staying at the Ritz!

2. Talk directly about money with your paramour. How much do you need to be happy and why? What do you prioritize spending money on? Trips. Clothes. A fabulous home. Charity events. College Education. Plastic surgery. Saving rainforests. Do you share the same monetary priorities? Are you both compatible when it comes to being high vs. low spenders?

3. Heres another helpful and insightful paramour conversation. Together discuss how each of you relate money to self worth, pleasure, freedom, security, dependency, control. Do you both share compatible attitudes about the underlying value and role of money?

4. Buy a bunch of gossip magazines, and read all about the troubled relationships of the rich and famous. Obviously money is not buying guaranteed happiness amongst the jet set.

5. If you insist on marring rich, make sure your partner has a diversified Good Character Values Portfolio, with the full gamut of valuing communication, loyalty, warmth, friendship, family, trust, and compassion.

No doubt about it. A night spent with the right intimate partner eating tuna fish sandwiches is far more enjoyable than a night spent with the wrong partner eating lobster and caviar.