notsalmon

Want to increase your chances of getting that job, raise,
discount?

I have an informative tale to tell, which begins with a tiny
tail, the one attached to my very cute little dog Maxine, a
miniature terrier, my better 1/8th.

I often multi-task walking Maxine with doing errands, especially
errands where I know there might be long lines, like going to
the bank or Fedex. I figure not only might Maxine benefit from
some good heavy petting, but all those bored and impatient
people can get some good licks in, and the playful warmth
exchanged is very win/win.

Last month I had a major computer meltdown, and so invited Maxine
along on my excursion to the local computer store, knowing they
always have lines so long, they actually give out bakery tickets
to keep track of the entourage.

About forty minutes passed before my number was called, but
thankfully for me (and Steve, the very exhausted computer
attendant who had called my number) my waiting time had passed in
good spirits, because Maxine had made many friends, all of whom
she’d generously introduced me to.

I arrived at a very fatigued Steve’s desk in a playful mood,
rather than the typical foul customer mood more expectant of
someone who’s computer had crashed, and they had to wait nearly an
hour, only to be told an exorbitant price to amend their laptop
situation.

I tried to bargain with Steve.

But Steve kept telling me no, then NO. (And in sort of the same
stern voice I use to tell Maxine NO when she wants to partake of
the dinner my boyfriend and I are sharing.)

But because I was in a playful mood, rather than give up, I
adlibbed a joke.

I held up Maxine, so her sweet puppy dog eyes stared Steve
directly in his dog-tired face, and said: Maybe you can say no to
a discount for me — but can you look Maxine directly in her
eyes and tell her we’re not getting a discount?

Steve laughed.

Heartily.

The next thing I knew, Maxine had snagged me a bonus 15%
off discount.

And Steve’s mood had risen far more than 15%. He actually
began smiling.

The lesson here?

No, it’s not to bring a dog with you the next time you buy a car
or negotiate your salary.

It’s to bring a sense of humor wherever you go!

Much of my success in business is due to using humor, and so
below are some helpful tips which you can use verbatim, or re-
write to fit your personality, all of which will remind you of
the powerful perks of staying in a perky mood.

The truth of the matter: There’s far too much stress and sadness
in the world.

According to Marci Shmimoff, author the N.Y.Times best seller,
HAPPY FOR NO REASON: The World Health Organization predicts that
by 20/20, depression will be second only to heart disease in
terms of global burden of illness.

Meaning? Even if using some of the humorous ideas below don’t snag
you that discount, job, raise, at least youre out there having
fun — and trying to make this world a happier place.

5 LAUGH YOUR WAY TO THE BANK BUSINESS TIPS:

1. SALARY NEGOTIATION

I once used this humorous quip, during a tough salary negotiation.The client said: “Karen, this is a negotiation.There’s supposed to be some give and take.” I teased: Fine. “You give. And I will take.” …Guess what? That’s exactly what happened.

2. TRYING TO GET IN THE DOOR Recently I had this humor quip used
on me. And it worked. A PR person kept pitching me their
client for my Sirius show. On about her seventh email, she
switched gears, and began her email with this line: “I feel
like one of those dolls that keeps bouncing back up again and
again, but –” I laughed at her joke, re-read her pitch more
attentively, and booked her guest. Later I used her exact
email intro quip on someone I’d be unsuccessful at getting in
to see. Guess what? I got the meeting.

3. INTERVIEW When I was in advertising, I used this joke once at
the end of an interview, and it clinched my job offer. At the end
of the interview, the exec asked me, Okay. Do you have any
questions for me? I adlibbed: “Um. Yes. Can you name all seven of
the seven dwarves?” The exec laughed, then tried to list them. As
he did I quipped, “You know I have a theory that whichever dwarf
you name first says something about you. ” (He’d said HAPPY first.
Maybe my surreal answer had put him in this state?) Then the exec
tried to list all seven of those seven dwarves, but couldnt. So I
quipped, I also have a theory, its revealing which dwarfs name
you cant remember. (As it turned out, neither he nor I could
remember all seven dwarves. And so my job offer came with a
strange code word. My headhunter called to tell me: The exec said
you got the job and to tell you SNEEZY. My guess: This humorous
quip worked for a few reasons. (1) It was a creative director job
I was interviewing for, so I was actually giving him proof of my
creativity. (2) All resumes being equal, people are so yearning
for fun at work, they’d rather hire the fun/playful person. (3)
Their ad agency was more of an edgy agency. This humorous quip
might not have boded so well if I’d be interviewing at a bank. (4)
It’s boring interviewing people. I snapped the exec out of his
interview trance, and so I not only stood out in the crowd, I
changed his energy state, and so he associated more positive
emotions with me. Note: This adlib was completely by accident. I
too was bored with interviewing, and was yearning to pep things
up. I did not go in purposefully with this answer. But hey, if it
worked with me, feel free to try it for yourself. But only if the
job offer fits this jokey response.)

3. AVOIDING A DIFFICULT QUESTION: Often people ask me
inappropriate questions, like: “Do you mind if I ask you how
much money you got for an advance on that book deal?” My
answer: “I don’t mind you asking. I just mind me answering.”
… I find it closes down this uncomfortable conversation in a
warm manner.

4. WARNING: EVEN A COMEDIAN KNOWS TO TEST HIS AUDIENCE AND DO A
FEW WARM UP JOKES With this in mind, I always begin EVERY
phonecall I make with: IS NOW A GOOD TIME TO TALK? If someone
is in a frantic mood, it’s important to know before you begin
talking. After all, it wont matter how fabulous your product
is or how adorable you might be, if someone’s mindset is on
OFF. Plus, I also know to test out my humor slowly and raise
the edginess of it slowly. Know thy audience before you quip
too outrageously!