Remember how Frank Sinatra sang “Do Be Do Be Do”? Well, Frank’s a great crooner—but he’s a dyslexic self-help guru. To live your happiest life, you gotta sing “Be Do Be Do Be Do.” The goal is to focus on being before doing – and the benefits are many!
Let me back up and explain…
Right now, you are probably walking around thinking a variety of things such as:
“I want to make lots of money.”
“I want to have lots of loving, loyal friends.”
“I want men/women to find me sexy and appealing.”
“I want a wildly happy love life.”
Now…to get a lot of money, friends and love, you need to act in a way that attracts more money, friends and love. Are you acting accordingly?
Ask yourself this: What qualities do you need to improve to attract more successful results in your life?
Do you view yourself as someone who is disciplined, organized, warm, loving, patient, self-loving, intuitive, calm, confident, courageous, open-minded, generous and empathic?
Your identity will always determine your habits which then determines your destiny. Who you think you are (and who you actually are) will always affect what you choose to do — and thereby how people and the world at large respond to you.
For this reason, it is very important to write a “to be” list every day —even before you write your “to do” list. After all, who you think you are will affect what you choose to do as your top habits on your “to do” list, plus it will affect how well you do what you do.
A quickie example: If you think of yourself as someone who is loving, caring, empathic you will be a loving, caring, empathic friend – and your to do list will include the habits of loving, caring, empathic friend. And when you take the time to think about how you value these “to be” words, you might even add in some extra friendship to-dos on your to-do list— checking in with friends more regularly to see how they are doing.
Think about it: If you are more consistently aware of being “to be” qualities like kind, honest, loving, patient, communicative and loyal —as a result, you will then be creating kind, honest, loving, patient and communicative actions in the world —and, in the end, getting the happiest life results possible!
One way to keep this in mind is to consistently ask yourself: “Who do I need to become to get all that I want in life?”
I love this question. You can solve a lot of your present problems in your life by asking yourself this question – and then finding the right “to be” list words to focus on, so as to solve your present life difficulties.
For example, can your present problems be made easier by being more patient, more disciplined, more courageous or more forgiving?
More specific examples: If you realize that you are not very good at being warmly direct — you know, being completely honest with your love partner about what’s bothering you — then you must put the words “to be warmly direct” on your to-be list -and really think about being this way so you will do more habits which support this core value. Or if you realize you’re not a good listener —and that your love partner may feel unheard— then put “to be a good listener” on your “to be” list – and be it by doing it!
Start every day thinking, “Who do I need to become to get all that I want and deserve in life?” Then, brainstorm your “to be” list and focus on one or two of the “to bes” you most desire. If there is a moment when you are tempted to not be your “to bes” (and there probably will be), immediately refocus and repeat a mantra that goes something like this: “The old me used to be very reactive and say things in the moment without thinking. The new me is peaceful, empathic, loving and calms down before speaking. I am responding, not reacting.”
By constantly repeating mantras like these, you will retrain your brain to think like the new you all the time— creating new actions, new perceptions and better life options!
Now, go and be!
Karen Salmansohn is a best-selling author known for creating self-help for people who wouldn’t be caught dead reading self-help. Get more information on finding a loving happier-ever-after relationship in her book Prince Harming Syndrome.