I was sexually molested at the young age of seven. Every part of me knew that what was happening was wrong. In that moment, fear overtook me and at the same time, a calmness. I KNEW I would handle this and tell the right people. I KNEW he would have to pay for his actions. I also KNEW in that moment I had to endure what was hell for my own safety. But with that experience came a personal power that I carry around till this day.
I remember being told how brave I was. How I saved other girls. How strong I was. I remember internalizing those words but not really “getting” them. It didn’t feel brave to feel helpless in that moment. It didn’t feel strong to have had to endure that.
No part of me felt any of those things. I felt naïve. I felt taken advantage of. I felt powerless. I sat in that courtroom at seven years old having to describe what someone did to me and what parts of my body they touched and had to give those parts a name out loud. I had to DEFEND my seven year old self to the courtroom, as to why I didn’t do more to stop this ADULT from doing what he did. I had to point out the man, describe what he was wearing, state my address where I was living, all the while thinking that when he was out of here or jail or wherever, he was going to come and find me.
Can you imagine what that does to someone? I know what it did to me.
It showed me that I can face and handle anything. It showed me that I can make the CHOICE to not live a life of feeling sorry for myself and any amount of self pity was just a waste of energy and time. None of that was going to change what happened. I learned that it was okay to question why it happened and to ask “why me”? Not out of self pity though, but rather out of learning, growing and moving forward. I learned that experiences and circumstances do NOT define who or what I am but rather give me the opportunity to discover my true character when faced with challenges.
I don’t make excuses for why things are. I accept them or I change them but I don’t wallow in them.
These are the choices I have made given my circumstances. These are the lessons I’ve chosen to take from my life. We all have choices. I choose to live my life with purpose, positivity and an insatiable appetite to constantly grow and learn – all while loving and laughing my way through this beautiful and truly miraculous life!
We are all dealt a certain hand, a hand that is tailor made for us and it is up to us to stand and walk through those challenges with our heads held high and a knowingness of how strong, brave and amazing we truly are.
So you can continue to speak about why it is you can’t do a certain something in your life, or why you can’t seem to trust people, or why nothing in your life seems to work out for you. You can continue to blame your past for every reason why you can’t be happy. Not one of those reasons will bring you any closer to living the life you dream of.
So much of what we hold on to from the past has no basis in the present moment. Shine a light on your fears, doubts and worries and you will see that it’s all been so scary because it’s been sitting in the dark places in your mind.
It’s time to let all that go! It serves no purpose in your life today except to give you excuses not to move forward in your life. Sounds like YOU are the one holding you back, not your past.