Mirror, mirror, on the wall…who’s the fairest of them all? Well, I am, of course!
Just teasing! What I’m trying to say is that I have learned one of the greatest tricks in learning how to love yourself. It is finding fault in others.
Okay – once again – I’m joking – but this time I’m actually serious too. Basically, I believe if we want to improve who we are, we can consciously choose to morph judging people, places and things into an opportunity to help us to take a closer look at who we are – and why we are putting in that time spent judging.
Let me explain a bit more. The other day I overheard someone say to their friend, “why do I always attract men who turn out to be wimps?” Labeling someone as a “wimp” is a judgement based on having found a fault in this other person. When we judge someone we are essentially saying to ourselves, whether we realize it or not, “I am better than them.”
It could go something like this… Jane says or thinks, “I can’t believe Dick won’t tell his boss he wants to get paid more. What a wimp he is!” Jane’s underlying meaning is, “I would tell my boss I needed more money in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t be afraid to do that because I’m not a wimp. No one likes a wimp. Therefore, I am better than Dick.”
How does feeling better than someone else help you to love yourself? It doesn’t! Not at all! However, Jane doesn’t really feel better about herself. This is just what she needs to believe – so that her feelings of being “less than” don’t surface. For most of us, it’s natural to suppress these feelings. They don’t feel good!
The thing is, Jane may not be “wimpy” about asking her boss for a raise, but she may be “wimpy” in other areas of her life. Maybe she lets her kids walk all over her. Or she can’t say no to people – even when she really wants to. Deep down, she probably doesn’t like herself very much for this.
The beauty here is that if Jane were to recognize that her dislike of Dick’s wimpiness has more to do with her than him, she could confront that area of her life and work on it.
Some things bother us. Some things don’t. The traits that annoy us in other people are reflections of what we hold inside of us. They are the triggers that make us feel bad about ourselves. It’s easier to see someone else’s flaws, so it’s a blessing that we are all mirrors of each other. Your greatest enemy can be your greatest teacher. Think of the mind-field of opportunity there!
This may sound like a difficult thing to do: finding fault within yourself. But the benefits are completely worth it. It’s like cleaning house! The more trash you take out, the more space you have for the treasures.
Do you really think Jane will attract any more wimps after she cleans her house? Have you heard the expression like attracts like? We tend to gravitate towards what we are comfortable with. I doubt Jane would want to give up any of her newfound space for anything other than a treasure. It simply feels too good!
Now go find your nearest mirror – whoever is the closest to you – and embrace those life-changing reflections you see!
Written and shared with love by Denise Barry, Script for the Soul.
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