If you stopped believing in love, read this essay now

stopped believing in loveIt’s always fascinating to me the responses I receive whenever I tell women that if they want to break their Prince Harming patterns, then they must not only prioritize finding a man who is sexy and successful,  they must ALSO prioritize finding a man who:

1. values growing

2. revels in open, honest communication

3. displays 20/20 listening skills

4. shows a  Gumby-like flexibility for compromise

Often women wind up laughing heartily at my description of this evolved kind of man. They insist he does not exist!

“You’re a female chauvinist!” I’ve called these women. “If you’re telling me that you believe that men cannot be emotionally evolved enough to want to grow, communicate from the heart, empathize and validate you – well, then you’re basically saying that all men are ‘emotional bimbos.’”

Usually the words “female chauvinist” and “emotional bimbo” help to shock women into an awareness of how gender-prejudiced they’re being.

Next up, I tell these women that they have to stop being what I call “negative evidence collectors” – always looking for proof that men are “emotional bimbos.”stopped believing in love

Unfortunately often women can create this self-fulfilling prophecy of behavior simply by treating a good man to their bad attitude toward him.

Next up, I assign these women to be “positive evidence collectors.” They must look for proof of the plethora of supercool Prince Charming–esque guys who are out there – either married to or dating their lucky girlfriends – or written up in the news – or working alongside them at their offices – or even in the very bed with them!

Finally, the last thing I warn women against is using the words “always” and “never” in either reference to their love life or men as a category.

Two examples: “I will never find a man who values growing.” Or “I always meet guys who cheat.”

Any time you create a sentence with an “always” or a “never” you’re setting yourself up with a limiting belief that usually creates a self-fulfilling prophecy of doom – and definitely puts in you in a hopeless, depressed frame of mind.

stopped believing in loveIn fact, whenever I’m with someone who tells me they’re depressed, I assign them to take time to jackhammer-drill down to find and dump the pesky “always” and/or “never” which they’re believing.

Almost always one of these two words is at the root of their depression – draining them of faith and vitality –   whispering mean beliefs into their subconscious and conscious minds about how they will forever be unable to change their situation.

Psychologists call these beliefs “permanent” and “pervasive” – and their wildly dangerous to the spirit and one’s potential for a happily ever after destiny. The truth is: it’s very rare that there’s a “never” or an “always” in someone’s life.

Are you suspect for being a female chauvinist?

If so, ask yourself if it’s possible a limiting belief from your childhood and/or a series of bad experiences is presently blocking you from finding a good partner with lots of emotionally evolved qualities!

It’s amazing how powerful changing your belief system can be. When you change the way you look at the world, you wind up changing what you notice and find in the world.

Get tools to let go of your limiting beliefs about love – in my digital course: THE NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM – which you can download right away, do at your own pace, and keep for life! I’ll teach you to develop new ways of thinking and dating – which will lead you to true love with a good partner. Many of the results-proven tools in my NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM  were loved so much by the folks at OPRAH that they asked me to write a regular love advice column on their site!

LUCKY YOU! I’ve discounted my NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM  – for a limited time only. This offer expires end of January! Click now for more info!

Written by Karen Salmansohn (Founder)

Hi I’m Karen Salmansohn, founder of NotSalmon. My mission is to offer you easy-to-understand insights and tools to empower you to bloom into your happiest, highest potential self. I use playful analogies, feisty humor, and stylish graphics to distill big ideas – going as far back as ancient wisdom from Aristotle, Buddhism and Darwin to the latest research studies from Cognitive Therapy, Neuro Linquistic Programming, Neuroscience, Positive Psychology, Quantum Physics, Nutritional Studies – and then some.
  • Tina M.

    Right on as usual! Everything here is exactly how my experience has been. Only when I began to do the work like being aware of & forcing urself to change the negative thoughts & feelings. But the more I do it along with other things to work on healing myself the happier im able to be. Thanx for being you & helping me & so many others thru our journeys! Your an angel! God bless you & yours. <3

  • Andy Barwick

    Wonderful writing Karen. A quote that I once heard is that people accept the love they believe they deserve. This means that quite a few people are settling for less than what they truly need. Thank you for writing this article for me. Someone that has been evolved from birth but never the Prince Charming.

    • Angie Schuman

      I agree with you completely. I won’t give up what I truly need, things like compassion, support, a little adoration 😉 Hey, it’s what I need and if someone can’t give it to me, adios!

  • Jewel

    Thank you Karen for all your articles about love and relation ships, I still havent found my happiness through love but I keep on working on it even if it is really tiring. Could you please talk about how we can survive a long distance relation ship? I find it hard to communicate with electronic devices, and day after day the distance grows even emotionally.. Thank you in advance

  • Sandra

    I love it! Thanks!

  • VC

    I seemed to always date men who didn’t value me, evidenced in their unkind actions, and I would continually push away those who did treat me well when I look back. It took having my son at 40, and thinking what my son deserved, for me to make an immediate brain switch and ONLY allowing kind men into my life, or none at all, for his sake. Now I acknowledge only that allowing kind people into OUR lives also needs to be for MY well being and happiness and that kind men actually do exist. Your article struck a chord with me.