Signs You’re In A Good Relationship

signs you're in a good relationship

A good relationship makes you feel safe and loved.  In fact, the top feeling a relationship should inspire is “safety.” Even before you feel true love itself. Why? Without safety, you will never arrive at feeling true love—because you won’t allow yourself to be vulnerable enough for true intimacy.

In fact, in a good relationship your partner should  WANT to make you feel both safe and loved. They should even feel happy to do what they can to make sure you feel this way.

Many folks prioritize finding a partner who is sexy, smart, successful, funny. Well, I recommend adding “embraces high integrity character values” onto this list – and then putting this characteristic front and center. Why? Because when you prioritize finding a partner who who embraces high-integrity character values,  you can increase your feelings of trust in them – and thereby feel safe and loved – and able to be your most vulnerable, authentic self.

HUGE REMINDER:

A good relationship SHOULD make you feel: happy, loved, confident, inspired, peaceful, safe, open to communicating, free to be your fullest you.

A good relationship should NOT make you feel:  insecure, unsafe, frazzled, neurotic,  totally crazy, and/or afraid to speak up.

And…if ever you feel the need to play detective, well…then it’s probably time to move on.

Jim Collins in his terrific book, Good To Great, explains in detail how one of the most important qualities necessary to grow a company from “good to great” is the ability to speak “harsh truth” —be a “front-stabber,” as I like to say. I snagged this expression from a famous saying: “A friend is someone who stabs you in the front.”

signs you're in a good relationshipCollins explains how harsh-truth-speaking is the only way a company can gain needed blind-spot insights—so the company knows what’s holding it back from greatness. Because harsh-truth-speaking is so essential to growth, companies that are run by nice, empathic, trust-worthy bosses tend to be the ones which grow from “good to great” —because employees are less afraid to harsh-truth-speak to them.

This applies ditto with relationships. If you want your relationship to grow and grow – from good to great – you need a boyfriend/husband with whom you can harsh-truth-speak about what’s on your mind and in your heart. Hence, this yet another reason to prioritize finding a partner who makes you feel safe. After all, it’s far easier to harsh-truth-speak with a nice, empathic, trust-worthy boyfriend/husband than a tyrant/untrustworthy boyfriend/husband – a partner who puts you on the defensive – or makes you feel unsafe to have courageous dialogues about what you need, want, fear and dislike.

If you’re in a relationship right now, or seeking to find a partner, remember it’s not only important to be with a man who is smart, funny, sexy, and successful. He MUST  make you feel safe too. Without this feeling of “safety” then it won’t matter how wildly smart, funny, sexy, and successful this man might be – you will NOT be happy.

Important reminder: It’s called a love life – and not a stressed-out-all-the-time life!

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TWEET THIS NOW: It’s called a love life – and not a stressed-out-all-the-time life! via an essay by @notsalmon

TWEET THIS NOW: Surprise: Top feeling a relationship should inspire – safety. Even before love. Find out why! @notsalmon ‘s blog http://notsalmon.com/?p=12061

TWEET THIS NOW: A good relationship makes u feel safe & loved. U shouldnt need to play detective. via an essay by @notsalmon

I’d love to hear your insights on the comment section below! What’s something which comes to your mind and heart when you read my essay?  

Written by Karen Salmansohn (Founder)

Hi I’m Karen Salmansohn, founder of NotSalmon. My mission is to offer you easy-to-understand insights and tools to empower you to bloom into your happiest, highest potential self. I use playful analogies, feisty humor, and stylish graphics to distill big ideas – going as far back as ancient wisdom from Aristotle, Buddhism and Darwin to the latest research studies from Cognitive Therapy, Neuro Linquistic Programming, Neuroscience, Positive Psychology, Quantum Physics, Nutritional Studies – and then some.
  • Tracey

    I’m recently out of a relationship with a man I loved. I still do. But he made me feel insecure and I behaved in a neurotic (perhaps crazy at times) way. I know this was because of the things he did to me but still felt that I’d let myself down. It also gave him an excuse to point out that I was behaving badly. Reading this article makes me feel better because it helps me understand that it wasn’t my fault. My only fault was being idiot enough to stay there for so long. It’s tough at the moment but I’m slowly moving through the pain and I know I’m doing the right thing for me. Thanks for this and other articles – you never know just how much they can help x

    • Kit

      I can relate to this almost exactly. Thank you.

  • Chrissy Howard

    I just spent an amazing, fun-filled 10 days with a man who I had only recently met on a dating site. I cannot believe I actually did what I did … I went to Lake Havasu Arizona with him to his Winter home there. I ended up really liking him. He was sexy, funny, witty … and made me laugh … a lot! 🙂 I couldn’t figure out what was going on tho … he wasn’t approaching me at all in a physical way … finally, I asked him why and he said I reminded him too much of his ex-wife. Well … that was a bitch slap if I ever had one. Yet, we did have sex twice … albeit, we had been drinking … he was an awesome lover. Now, I am back home and it’s been two days and I haven’t heard from him … other than him e-mailing me pics of the trip. I feel hurt … but, he did say he wasn’t really into me. Damn … why do I do these things? He sure seemed as though he was into me. We had a wonderful time. He did say he thought he might be a little “broken” … I think from his marriage and a couple of other relationships that didn’t work out. I told him “it’s the cracks and the breaks that let the light in” … he just looked at me like I was crazy. I know whatever happened is more about him than about me, but, I still feel rejected and sad about it all. I just want that feeling back of having fun and the laughter that I had with him. Damn.

    • Jenny Sherry

      Yes Chrissy that is sad, I hope in time you get through this. Guy are
      different to us in as much as they can just have sex with women for the
      sake of having sex whereas I think most women have to “feel” something
      for the guy. Mind you there are women who just “go for it” like the
      guys. Anyway, men seem to separate the feelings of sex and caring… so
      when they get the sex too easy, I believe they just think that woman is
      like that with all guys they meet and probably put the woman into a
      “too easy” box and keep going. Meanwhile the woman is really liking the
      guy. I think its better to hold off as long as you can with guys, they
      mostly take what they can if its being given to them, and then just
      walk away. Keep them keen and make them wait until you know them better
      works better I believe. Hold back so they learn to respect you first.
      If they dont come back well maybe its better at least you havent had
      sex with them and feel worse for it… just my opinion, not necessarily
      correct, but my opinion… All the best!

    • GeriGreene

      I’ve found that the pretty pictures guys like that paint are all about themselves. Once, I was invited to a beautiful floating home in Florida. Was shown all the fun places, romantic dinners. I asked if I might stay a couple extra days and he replied, “No, I have another coming tonight.” [Ego deflated] When I heard a hurricane took his home to the bottom of the sea, I felt no pain for him as it felt how I did when he told me it was time to go. . . . .

  • MC

    At the very beginning of what turned out to be a 3 year on/off relationship with a narcissist I said, “you’re not making me feel emotionally safe.” It was the big stand up for myself moment I had had in my adult life…it sort of fell out of my mouth but I did it…it said it.

    His reply?? “Oh PLEASE. Whatever that means.”

    Hmmmm.

  • GeriGreene

    You just turned the lightbulb on for me. My life when I married a handsome, smart man who was always looking for the next deal, and did so repeatedly did not include my access to him when I wanted to discuss a “problem” or my desires. I’m wanting to write a book of that situation and you gave me a great incentive to do so and the empty feeling I had. I thank you!