Signs You’re In A Good Relationship
A good relationship makes you feel safe and loved. In fact, the top feeling a relationship should inspire is “safety.” Even before you feel true love itself. Why? Without safety, you will never arrive at feeling true love—because you won’t allow yourself to be vulnerable enough for true intimacy.
In fact, in a good relationship your partner should WANT to make you feel both safe and loved. They should even feel happy to do what they can to make sure you feel this way.
Many folks prioritize finding a partner who is sexy, smart, successful, funny. Well, I recommend adding “embraces high integrity character values” onto this list – and then putting this characteristic front and center. Why? Because when you prioritize finding a partner who who embraces high-integrity character values, you can increase your feelings of trust in them – and thereby feel safe and loved – and able to be your most vulnerable, authentic self.
A good relationship SHOULD make you feel: happy, loved, confident, inspired, peaceful, safe, open to communicating, free to be your fullest you.
A good relationship should NOT make you feel: insecure, unsafe, frazzled, neurotic, totally crazy, and/or afraid to speak up.
And…if ever you feel the need to play detective, well…then it’s probably time to move on.
Jim Collins in his terrific book, Good To Great, explains in detail how one of the most important qualities necessary to grow a company from “good to great” is the ability to speak “harsh truth” —be a “front-stabber,” as I like to say. I snagged this expression from a famous saying: “A friend is someone who stabs you in the front.”
Collins explains how harsh-truth-speaking is the only way a company can gain needed blind-spot insights—so the company knows what’s holding it back from greatness. Because harsh-truth-speaking is so essential to growth, companies that are run by nice, empathic, trust-worthy bosses tend to be the ones which grow from “good to great” —because employees are less afraid to harsh-truth-speak to them.
This applies ditto with relationships. If you want your relationship to grow and grow – from good to great – you need a boyfriend/husband with whom you can harsh-truth-speak about what’s on your mind and in your heart. Hence, this yet another reason to prioritize finding a partner who makes you feel safe. After all, it’s far easier to harsh-truth-speak with a nice, empathic, trust-worthy boyfriend/husband than a tyrant/untrustworthy boyfriend/husband – a partner who puts you on the defensive – or makes you feel unsafe to have courageous dialogues about what you need, want, fear and dislike.
If you’re in a relationship right now, or seeking to find a partner, remember it’s not only important to be with a man who is smart, funny, sexy, and successful. He MUST make you feel safe too. Without this feeling of “safety” then it won’t matter how wildly smart, funny, sexy, and successful this man might be – you will NOT be happy.
Important reminder: It’s called a love life – and not a stressed-out-all-the-time life!
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I’d love to hear your insights on the comment section below! What’s something which comes to your mind and heart when you read my essay?