How To Stop Complaining and Enjoy More Happiness

ari salmansohnStop Complaining and Increase Your Happiness! Read on for 4 tools – including how/why to go on a Complaint Cleanse! 

Everybody talks about the importance of appreciation – how it’s such a big-time happiness booster.  Truth be told, appreciation very much deserves all the attentive, flattering PR it receives!  But today I’d like to discuss the dangers of appreciation’s extreme opposite: depreciation.

Let me state clearly that “depreciation” is not simply the absence of appreciation. It’s the presence of focusing on problems, flaws and disappointments.

Some standard definitions of depreciation: to lessen the value of; to belittle; to represent as being of less merit.

There are a lot of people out there who are depreciators – walking around, looking for things to complain about – even when they have many reasons to rejoice. They speak in sentences that begin with “but” or “if only” or “what if.”

As a result, depreciators wind up devaluing a lot of good stuff they should be feeling quite giddy about! By decreasing the value of what’s around them – they decrease the love, joy and inner calm they feel in their lives.


1. You can become a depreciator if you’ve experienced great challenges   – or a very traumatizing event.  I know after I found myself blindsided by a Prince Harming, I became an accidental depreciator in the beginning of my next relationship. I found myself looking at my partner through a magnifying glass, on a hunt to find what might be wrong with him, so I wouldn’t be surprised by another karate kick to my heart.  Unfortunately, being a depreciator is a lot like being an emotional hypochondriac.  You think every sneeze is a potential death knell.  If you’re not careful, this emotional hypochondria can manifest into self-fulfilling problems. Thankfully, I caught myself in depreciation-mode before I did too much damage to my relationship. Two things are for sure: (1) It’s no fun being a depreciator. (2) It’s no fun being with one, either! Basically, when you’re a depreciator, you can get so caught up looking for teeny-tiny flaws, that you miss the big beautiful picture of what’s right in front of you.

stop complaining
Go On A Complaint Cleanse! Stop Complaining And Love Your Life And People More!

2.  You can become a depreciator after everything starts to go awesomely well for you – when “amazing” becomes your new normal.  Basically, when things start to be too good to be true – you can become a non-believing depreciator –  looking for how things might be not-so-good or un-true. You get paranoid about how the expression “this too shall pass” also applies to the happy stuff.  You focus on what might go wrong – instead of trusting and honoring what’s going right.

3.  You can become a depreciator after you’ve scored a blessing which has been ongoing for many, many years running. For example, that delicious honeymoon glow can begin to wane after a few years of a committed relationship – or a few years of a wished-for job – or a few years after attaining anything which had once been a mere dream-bubble over your head!  All of these dreamed-for-blessings you ultimately get, can eventually become “invisible blessings” which you ultimately forget! After you’ve had a blessing for a long time, it can become murkier to see what a blessing it is! As a result, you can depreciate your blessing’s value.

4. You can become a depreciator even after a few hours of scoring a blessing – if you’re of low-self esteem!  Basically, if you don’t have high-self worth, you can wind up lowering the worth of what you achieve – reappraising the value of what you’d once praised.  It’s the ol’: “I Don’t Want To Belong To a Club Which Will Have Me as a Member Syndrome.’

stop complaining5. You can become a depreciator when you’re someone who gets turned on by the thrill of the kill – the endorphin high of the hunt. As soon as you snag your desire, your desire is lessened. You see it as a less big thing – because you love the thrill of seeking the next big thing.

I want you to take a moment today to quiz yourself on these 5 ways you can become a depreciator. Do they resonate with you? Are you presently looking at life through a “depreciator’s” eyes? Are you seeking out opportunities to feel bad, sad, disappointed or offended  – instead of appreciating the good, the joy, the beauty, the miraculous? Do you have “invisible blessings” which need to be tallied up and accounted for?

If so…here are….


1. Be more mindful of purposefully looking for occasions to be happy – to see the beauty in others — to be grateful for what you’ve attracted – to see the magic in life. Make sure your blessings are fully seen by listing them daily in a journal – 10 things each day! Switch ’em up – so your list is always graced with newly mentioned blessings. (Click here to check out some Gratitude Journals I offer in my shop!)

stop complaining2. Think of your thoughts as being like a steering wheel.  Wherever your thoughts go, this is where you/your life will go! When you think this way, it’s easier to commit to being an appreciator (focusing on what’s working right) instead of a depreciator (focusing on what’s not working).

3. Remember: The energy you emit is the energy you attract!  When you think this way, you’re less likely to want to be a depreciator – because you’re more aware of how negativity puts you in a lower energy vibration. Basically, when you are a depreciator it’s like spraying yourself with anti-charisma! Meanwhile, when you’re an appreciator – you raise your energy vibration up higher  – thereby becoming more of a love-magnet and happiness-magnet. With this in mind, make a commitment to complain less, and love your life more.  You can start by going on a Complaint Cleanse – and vow not to complain for 7 days in a row. Feel how that feels. Also keep in mind the 20/80 rule when it comes to something you truly need to complain about: talk 20% the problem, 80% on the solution.

4. Repeat after me: It’s a hell of a lot more fun to be a grateful appreciator instead of a hateful depreciator!

(Note: If you’re feeling challenged in love, and seeking happy, safe-feeling relationship,  check out the results-proven love advice in Prince Harming Syndrome-  a best selling relationship book which merges modern cognitive therapy with timeless happiness tools from Aristotle — all delivered with feisty humor – and my personal story of how I recovered from Prince Harming Syndrome to finally enjoy the happy family life I’d always dreamed about. This recommended e-book is now 50% off – for a limited time – only $9.99.  Read an FAQ, praise and more excerpts by clicking HERE NOW.)

TWEET THIS: Go on a Complaint Cleanse – vow not to complain for 7 days in a row. via @notsalmon

stop complaining
Stop complaining And Starting Loving Life And People More!

TWEET THIS: Being negative is like spraying yourself with anti-charisma. -Karen Salmansohn /@notsalmon 

TWEET THIS NOW: A Quiz: Are you an appreciator or a depreciator? Find out via @notsalmon ‘s blog

I’d love to hear your insights on the comment section below! What’s something which comes to your mind and heart when you read this essay about why you should stop complaining? Share your personal story or a personal happiness tool! I LOVE it when you share – because I love to find out about my community! Plus, many thousands of peeps read these inspiring essays – so, what you share could be a helpful inspiration for someone else! xo Karen



Written by Karen Salmansohn (Founder)

Hi I’m Karen Salmansohn, founder of NotSalmon. My mission is to offer you easy-to-understand insights and tools to empower you to bloom into your happiest, highest potential self. I use playful analogies, feisty humor, and stylish graphics to distill big ideas – going as far back as ancient wisdom from Aristotle, Buddhism and Darwin to the latest research studies from Cognitive Therapy, Neuro Linquistic Programming, Neuroscience, Positive Psychology, Quantum Physics, Nutritional Studies – and then some.
  • lizacat29

    This is me to a “T”..I came off of marriage to a Prince Harming…and tumbled into another similar relationship that was even more toxic. I am finally with a great guy and even though we moved in together, I still find myself building walls around myself and being afraid to commit til I am more “sure”…and meanwhile I am always focusing on his faults and what “could” go wrong, always questioning if I made the right decision when, overall, things are going great. I tell myself I am being extra careful…why is it so hard to just let go and enjoy now? I’m not complaining outwardly…but inside..whew…I need a complaint cleanse and to focus on all I have to be grateful for.

  • katy

    Karen, thank you ! This is a great article on emphasizing the positive and not getting bogged down by the negative. This fits in perfectly with me and a relationship I am in, and many others I know going through the same thing right now. The past is the past and we all need to let it go. What we all need now, and the universe, is as much positive, optimistic appreciation and thus high positive energy will ensue ~ not the low frequency vibrations that happen with thinking like a depreciator. Thank you once again for the reminder 🙂

  • Gcimi

    This was very helpful. Although I am not in a relationship currently, I am taking this time to improve myself to attract the right guy. I can use this for work, I love my job, but sometimes I let it get to me and complain, and that makes it worse. I need to look at all the good things about it, so I will once again enjoy going to work everyday, while making myself a awesome future partner for someone!

  • Kristin

    I have been struggling finding the good at work lately. Goals and deadlines have me stressed. I love your analogy about the steering wheel. Im adopting it right now. THANK YOU

  • Butterfly

    Thankyou for the illuminating short essay on changing your thought pattern Karen. I can’t share too much but have been in a harming personal relationship and I crave the skills to sheild myself from it and be myself again but in a glued together much more positive way . Will continue to read the posts and your little essays and I’ll get there am sure

  • Sharon

    Karen – This is something everyone should work on. Recently I attended a luncheon with 3 friends. An unexpected new guest came at the last minute. Before she arrived, all 3 of my friends who knew her (I did not) imparted negative comments about her and dread that she was attending. I really was shocked. Of all the wonderful things that could have been said, they each chose a negative thing. I had never met her. I wonder what they say about me to others. It really tainted the entire luncheon for me and I struggle with how to stop this and not lose friends in the process. If you have any advise, I am all ears! Love your mission and enjoy your work. Warmly, Sharon