Are You Sabotaging Happiness and Success? [Signs and Solutions]

Are you sabotaging happiness and success? If so, it’s time to stop! Here’s how.

Note: This is a guest essay by by Kristin Barton Cuthriell

Often we humans can consciously (or unconsciously) sabotage ourselves – because we do not think that we deserve to be happy and successful in life.

We may have made mistakes in the past that we have been unable (or unwilling) to forgive.

We may sabotage happiness and success by habitually selling ourselves short. And thinking that our goals and dreams are unreachable.

We may discount our own internal resources. And deny our own personal strengths.

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We may unconsciously sabotage situations and relationships that are really good for us.

There are many different ways in which we sabotage happiness and success.

Some ways are much more overt than others.

Signs You’re Sabotaging Happiness and Success:

You may…

• have an addiction.
• get yourself into abusive or codependent relationships.
• procrastinate.
• make excuses not to do things that are in our best interest.
• engage in defeating self-talk.
• verbally abuse yourself
• rationalize your negative actions.
• defend your unacceptable behaviors.
• act out in an overly aggressive way.
• engage in people pleasing to the extent of neglecting our own needs.
• participate in risky behaviors.
• purposely injure your body

Sabotaging behaviors are the tip of an iceberg of shame.

Internal shame is at the root of these self defeating behaviors.

We think that we are undeserving.

We then act in ways that create more shame – which further reinforces our feelings of unworthiness.

It’s a cycle.

Shame leads to sabotaging happiness and success.

Sabotaging ourselves leads to more shame.

An effective way to break this vicious cycle of sabotage, is to act as though we are worthy.

Solution #1 To Stop Sabotaging Happiness and Success

• Start asking yourself: “What would a confident person who is full of self-compassion do in this situation?”

Offer yourself a range of relevant-to-you responses.

• Would they they get upset and eat an entire box of doughnuts?
• Stay in an abusive relationship?
• Numb out with alcohol?
• Refuse to eat?
• Blame others for one’s own unhappiness?
• Stay in a dead-end miserable job without exploring other options?
• Bully others?
• Verbally abuse oneself?

I’m sure you will agree that the answer is: “No. I don’t think so!”

There are a range of effective ways to break this vicious cycle of sabotaging happiness and success.

8 More Solutions To Stop Sabotaging Happiness and Success

You should start to consider some of these ideas below – which people with a strong sense of self-worth might choose.

1. You can consider getting professional help or online support to treat an addiction.
2. Stop blaming everyone else, and work on improving yourself!
3. Form relationships with emotionally healthy people.
4. Stop and challenge negative self-talk.
5. Work on changing yourself rather than changing others.
6. Exercise.
7. Turn apathy into action.
8. View yourself as a survivor and a thriver rather than as a lifelong victim.

In this 8th tip, I enthusiastically recommend you tap into the power of the cliché “Fake it until you make it.”

By acting as if we are already where we want to be, we create our own reality.

We puncture the shame that binds us.

If you have been sabotaging your happiness, you do not have to stay in this self-imposed prison.

You can start by reflecting on your behaviors and identifying the patterns in your life that are not working for you.

You cannot change what you will not acknowledge. Identifying the problem is the first step toward resolution. You get the snowball started.

When you treat yourself as worthy, you will make yourself feel more worthy.

And the truth is …you really are worthy! You always have been!

Note: This blog post is an excerpt from the book, The Snowball Effect: How to Build Positive Momentum in Your Life by Kristin Barton Cuthriell, MEd, MSW, LCSW.  Kristin has spent the last twenty-three years working as an educator and licensed psychotherapist helping people who suffer from anxiety, depression, relationship issues, low self-esteem, and difficult life transitions.

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