An Important Warning If You Want to Find a Happy Relationship

find happy relationshipHere’s An Important Warning If You Want to Find a Happy Relationship… Read on…

Are you always looking around for something better: a better job, a better apartment… a better relationship?

For example, let’s say you finally found a pretty great love catch. Do you still find yourself tempted to keep going back to that large online dating ocean, in hopes of finding an even bigger, better, more 100% perfect catch?

If so, your search for the better might be making your life worse.

And that’s not just my opinion — that’s the opinion of Barry Schwartz, Ph.D., psychology professor at Swarthmore College, and author of The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less. After extensive research, Schwartz has concluded that excess proliferation of choice makes people more anxious and less happy — even clinically depressed at times.

Schwartz defines people who tend to check out all the options as “maximizers” and believes they tend to question whether they’ve made the right choice, then later regret their choices.

Unfortunately, in today’s online world, it’s very easy to become a “love maximizer” with its tempting smorgasbord of dating choices. With so much choice, it’s so easy to fall into exploring an “upgrade” — even when your sweetie is total sweetie! Or you can wind up with “choice paralysis” and not be able to get into a relationship at all.

How does this happen? Schwartz cites a study with shoppers. Group #1 was offered free samples of six different jams. Group #2 was offered free samples of 24 jams. Afterwards, Group #1 was more likely to buy a jam than Group #2. This result doesn’t seem logical. You’d guess that people would be more likely to find a jam when given a range four times as large. But the overabundance of choice seemed to freeze shoppers’ decision-making skills.

find a happy relationshipUnfortunately, this same “brain freeze” can happen to daters when shopping for partners in that endless online parade of possibilities. “It’s a satisfaction treadmill,” says Schwartz. “The more options we have available, the more we think that another option out there is perfect.”

The truth according to me? Rarely is anyone or anything perfect. And so the #1 biggest problem with choice is… well, it’s an illusion. Up-close and personal, all that choice is not always grade-A material.

Here’s another study I came across and found intriguing. Research studies found that people exposed to a few minutes’ worth of advertising, with its endless pics of nubile women and improbably handsome men, were likely to experience far greater discontent with their partner after viewing.

Translation: Love can be blindsided by choice. A perfectly good relationship can be totally destroyed by the blazing promise of better options… that don’t exist in the first place!

So what’s the cure for this situation – so we stop throwing over perfectly beautiful budding relationships because we believe the grass is greener?


find a happy relationship1. Recognize that being a “love maximizer” actually minimizes your chances of finding a healthy, happy relationship.

2. Realize that you luckily have a choice in how you view choice! Next time you’re tempted to two-time, think twice! Remind yourself that those many, many people who look so good from faraway look very different when viewed close up — when you can more clearly see their many, many flaws.

3. Accept that no one person is ever going to have every single thing you need. The goal is to find the person who has the most important things you need. Make a list of your top 3 dating deal-breakers and your top 3 partner must-have’s. If your current special someone passes this 6-pack test, as I call it, you’ve got the basis of a very happy relationship — one not worth messing up with “maximizing” ways.

4. Once a week, spend a night luxuriating in your partner’s 3 fantastic must-have’s — and let it be known how much you appreciate him or her. Soon you’ll turn yourself into a love energizer, instead of a love maximizer! And that’s a terrific place to be.

Screen Shot 2016-09-06 at 8.33.06 PMIf you’ve suffered the pain of toxic love, I’d love to give you tools to let go of the hurt – and develop new ways of thinking and dating – which will lead you to true love with a good partner. Love patterns can be broken – with the help of my NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM – now discounted  – for a limited time only. The NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM is an inspiring online webinar – for both men and women – young and older – single or divorced -or presently in a toxic relationship and confused! You can listen to or watch the NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM anywhere in the world –on any kind of computer – or idevice – at your own pace and convenience. 

TWEET THIS NOW:  An important warning if you want to find a happy relationship via @notsalmon

Written by Karen Salmansohn (Founder)

Hi I’m Karen Salmansohn, founder of NotSalmon. My mission is to offer you easy-to-understand insights and tools to empower you to bloom into your happiest, highest potential self. I use playful analogies, feisty humor, and stylish graphics to distill big ideas – going as far back as ancient wisdom from Aristotle, Buddhism and Darwin to the latest research studies from Cognitive Therapy, Neuro Linquistic Programming, Neuroscience, Positive Psychology, Quantum Physics, Nutritional Studies – and then some.
  • Tara

    I’m seeing someone whom I met online 3 and a half years ago. We started out as friends and even then, I was always wondering if I kept searching, I might meet someone else because my boyfriend wasn’t showing any signs of interests in me or at least that’s what I thought. At the end, it seemed to me that it was becoming more like a hobby reading different profiles, but not knowing for sure whom to trust.
    I’m happy that my boyfriend and I met. Yes, we’ve had our up and downs due to our different personalities and he’s an Asperggian with OCD which I only learned about that fact later. It’s really challenging to put myself in his shoes, but I’m trying my best to stay in this relationship. He’s sweet with me and what more can I ask for!? 🙂 Good luck to you all!

  • Noelle

    I am so happy to hear this isn’t just happening in my love life….everyone seems to be waiting for a better deal . It makes sense now

  • Tara

    I meant to say that BE AWARE of Romance Scam in my previous post as well. It almost happened to me. This morning when I was watching news, the news reporter said that one woman recently lost $10,000 because she transferred her money to this unmet man’s account whom she met online.
    When you “meet” someone online and they’re telling you that they need money, please Be Very Careful. Please also talk to your loved ones whom you trust because they’d raise a question like you haven’t met the person yet, why are you lending him/her money? I’m glad that I talked to one trusted coworker at the time when I was searching for my love online and she saved my money!

  • Lucy

    This explains many things I have personally been dealing with. I am afraid to end up with someone similar to what I was with before. The man I’m with is a great guy but I am always at the what ifs? He is over the moon about me and shows it. As for me I tend to proceed with caution not giving up too much cause ….. who knows? I’ve ended many relationships thinking, “oh I can find better.” Glad to know I’m not alone.