How To Move Through The Process Of Grief

ready to give up on lifeNOTE: This is a guest blog by Harriet Cabelly.

When you’re in the throes of awfulness, you can’t think about tomorrow. You’re in the powerfully crippling feelings of the moment. And that needs to be attended to. For it’s in the going through them, that you will come through them to a new phase. But it takes time, patience and work.

Wounds must begin to close up before the new layer of skin appears.

I couldn’t get myself to take my year-old daughter to the park. It was too painful for me to see other younger babies with their heads straight and their little hands swiping at the mobile attached to the stroller, while my daughter’s head wobbled, her eyes crossed and her hands lay at her sides. She was beautifully docile with a smile of ease and contentment and a body that lagged behind in hitting the basic milestones of development.

The balloon burst, the bubble popped, normality was shattered upon hearing the neurologist confirm my fears, that yes, there was something wrong.   She had a rare neurological condition, a fluke of development or lack of, that had occurred in the first trimester in utero.

My intense grief began and my mantra of “why me” reverberated against the walls of my shrink’s office week after week.

Session after session, I poured out my deepest feelings of pain and sadness. And hour after hour he held them. He leaned forward and in his beautifully soft voice, he reassured me over and over how normal it was to feel what I was feeling. There was no talk of tomorrow; there was just the here and now and the immediate grief I was feeling, along with his safety net of normalcy.

As someone who is also on the professional side of this {grief} work – loss, grief, growth – I recommend you work the grief process by beginning here …

How To Move Through The Process Of Grief

Feeling:   When in the throes of grief, allow yourself that time to feel horribly. Give yourself ‘permission to be human’ and feel all those awful and intense negative emotions. There’s no running from it but rather sitting with it and having those feelings wash over you. They may very well take you through a torrent of a spin cycle – but in the end you will come through all the cycles and go on. It will not kill you. That old adage, ‘what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger’ is so true. You will feel stronger because you know – and see –  that you did it – you came through it – and are here living on. Now, how you live on is up to you. And that’s the next part of the journey. But the first part is doing the grief work.

Enlisting a helper: While on this bumpy and messy road, enlist a helper to accompany you on this journey into your depths of despair.   It can feel pretty scary, and lonely, to reach that dark place. And nobody can tell you it will be O.K. I mean they can tell you tha t-  but it’s all meaningless and sounds so cliche-ish – because you’re down there and they’re up there  – so what the heck do they know.

Having that someone to walk with you along the painfully unpaved path, guiding you and holding your words as you stumble along, falling down and having that wound ooze over and over again, is the key that will eventually open the door to the outside world once again.

Expressing: Grief must be expressed; it needs a voice so that it can be heard, validated and normalized.   “Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak, knits up the o’er wrought heart, and bids it break.” (Shakespeare) Giving voice to our pain eventually loosens its grip on us. Its toxicity lessens and we start to have periods of lightness and ordinariness.

It’s a rough road. We need someone to hold onto, who’s with us in the presence of our pain, as we expose our deepest wounds and reveal our most vulnerable selves.

We need someone who lets us know, as the clouds start to shift, that there is a better tomorrow.

Written and Shared with Love by Harriet Cabelly, a social worker, writer – and then some. Find out more about Harriet by visiting her website and/or joining her on Facebook.

TWEET THIS NOW: Ready to give up on life? Move through this process of grief.

I’d love to hear your insights on the comment section below! What’s something which comes to your mind and heart when you read about feeling ready to give up on life? Share your personal story or a personal happiness tool! I LOVE it when you share – because I love to find out about my community! Plus, many thousands of peeps read these inspirational essays – so, what you share could be a helpful inspiration for someone else!

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Written by Karen Salmansohn (Founder)

Hi I’m Karen Salmansohn, founder of NotSalmon. My mission is to offer you easy-to-understand insights and tools to empower you to bloom into your happiest, highest potential self. I use playful analogies, feisty humor, and stylish graphics to distill big ideas – going as far back as ancient wisdom from Aristotle, Buddhism and Darwin to the latest research studies from Cognitive Therapy, Neuro Linquistic Programming, Neuroscience, Positive Psychology, Quantum Physics, Nutritional Studies – and then some.