How To Get Over Someone (A Tool From Sitcoms)

How To Get Over Someone

I’m writing this essay today because I received an interesting email from a woman. She writes….

Dear Karen, 

I have been with a Prince Harming for 4 years. I’m trying to break away now. It should be easy – because he abandons me all the time – and disappears as easy as pie! I always go looking for him. And I find him – and the cycle begins.

I’m so emotionally entwined with him. I get that I’m in love with who I WANTED him to be – but how can I more deeply see him for who he really he is – and get over it? All of my friends see it.

Sincerely,
A dumbass

Firstly this woman is not a dumbass. She’s simply someone who’s having trouble with her “Act 3.”

Let me explain. For a few years I lived in L.A. writing sitcoms. I sold original concepts for funny TV shows to the networks (NBC, FOX, MTV) –  mostly around the topic of the dangers and dysfunctions of love.

How To Get Over Someone I loved writing sitcoms – but I found I always struggled with the third act – where the characters were supposed to learn something – then change for the better.

Although I was writing funny sitcoms, the plot still had to be realistic, logical, believable.

I pretty much breezed through writing Act 1 and Act 2 – because they were about describing the problem.

In fact, in Acts 1 and 2, the characters themselves could even know they had problems to solve – but they simply weren’t able to make positive change happen.

Act 3 was really where all the main action took place – because it was where The Ultimate Big Change had to occur.

I always struggled writing Act 3 because I had to come up with a plot point – a life-changing tool or event – something amazing which might happen – to inspire the character to finally change their stupid ways.

Although I no longer write sitcoms for a living – I still struggle with Act 3’s  – the ones in my own life.

How To Get Over Someone I often know I have a problem to solve – but as far as coming up with the CLUNK on my head which gets me to finally stop my silly ways – well, that’s a hard act to create – and follow.

I know I’m not alone.  In fact, this is why I received the email from the woman who claims she is a dumbass –  which she is NOT.

As mentioned earlier, she is simply stuck in Act 3. She needs to get that powerful CLUNK on the head – that will finally motivate her to see her toxic guy in all his Prince Harming-ness – then she needs to summon up the courage to walk away.

I see this all the time. People stuck in their Act 3’s.  Maybe you relate?

So here’s a powerful tool for creating a successful Act 3 denouement – to get over someone you need to get over. I’ve used this tool myself – and it even helped me to get over a King Harming!

THE LOVE TOOL:

Screen Shot 2016-09-03 at 12.01.39 AMWrite up a description of your Toxic Partner – as if someone’s going to set you up with them on a blind date. BUT – instead of listing all their awesome qualities – list all their crazy-making qualities- so you’re basically writing a description of “The Blind Date From Hell.” But the key is to write it up sarcastically – as if all these terrible traits are something terrific. I’ll go first. Here’s an example.

“Hey Karen, I’ve got a guy I want you to meet. He’s an amazing liar – one of the best liars I’ve ever met! He’s also a courageous liar. He will introduce you to the other women he’s sleeping with – while claiming to be monogamous with you.  Doesn’t he sound great? But wait – there’s more! When you’re going through something really tough – he’ll completely abandon you! So — can I fix you up? What do you say?”

After reading this description, would I ever want to meet and be with this guy? No way!

Now it’s your turn.  Create a “Write From Wrong List.”

How To Get Over Someone List all the toxic qualities of the someone you want to break free from. And make sure you ONLY list their toxic qualities – their BEST toxic qualities. Write it all up with loads of sarcasm – as if you’re excitedly detailing terrific qualities. Then read it back to yourself – as many times as you need to – until you make the big CLUNK of a point to yourself – that THIS person is NOT someone you should want to be with!

Hopefully this “Blind Date Tool” will become an “I Can Finally See Tool.”  It will not only make you laugh – but make you finally fully see your toxic partner for the truly toxic person they are – so you can finally leave the struggles of Act 2 behind you – and enjoy a far happier Act 3!

Get tools to say “never again” to toxic love – with The Never Again Program – a life-changing online home course –  you can do on any computer or idevice – at your own pace. I will help you to let go of your anger and regret (at your ex and yourself) and develop new ways of thinking and dating – which will lead you to true love with a safe-feeling, good partner. Love patterns can be broken – with the help of my Never Again Program – now discounted for a limited time only!

TWEET THIS NOW: How To Get Over Someone – A Tool Inspired By Sitcom Writing via @notsalmon

Share your own “Blind Date From Hell” description!

Written by Karen Salmansohn (Founder)

Hi I’m Karen Salmansohn, founder of NotSalmon. My mission is to offer you easy-to-understand insights and tools to empower you to bloom into your happiest, highest potential self. I use playful analogies, feisty humor, and stylish graphics to distill big ideas – going as far back as ancient wisdom from Aristotle, Buddhism and Darwin to the latest research studies from Cognitive Therapy, Neuro Linquistic Programming, Neuroscience, Positive Psychology, Quantum Physics, Nutritional Studies – and then some.
  • Melanie Runyan

    I love this exercise! Here’s my entry:
    Hey, Melanie, there’s this really great
    guy I want you to meet. I know you value your alone time. Don’t
    worry, you’ll get plenty of it with Dave! Also, he’s smart and very
    funny, provided he’s had 6 or 8 beers. When he doesn’t drink, he
    doesn’t talk, so at least you’ll be able to hear yourself think. He
    has a beautiful second home on the coast, if you can look past the
    spiderwebs and dead flies. He spends days and days alone there, and
    has a wonderful time. He might have schizoid personality disorder,
    but hey, who’s perfect? You’ll never have to worry about conflict
    with his relatives. You won’t even meet them. So what do you say,
    can I give you his phone number? Oh I forgot, he doesn’t return
    calls.

    • notsalmon

      Hilarious! I hope this helped you laugh and heal! Well done!

  • Jessica Mae

    I met someone that I think you might like. No promises, and no pressure!! I thought of you because you’re both single, in fact he’s newly single and extremely mad at his ex. Eee! Project! So fun! He’s very good looking and muscular thanks to the steroids he injects himself with that have caused him to rip both of his biceps, requiring two surgeries. I thought you would like that part since you’re so nurturing that you can take care of him while he’s recovering. That is, if he’ll take your calls. He tends to take about 1 out of 10–less if he’s at his vacation home doped up on his illegal prescription pain killers. He’s very future oriented, which why he’ll suggest that you get together with someone else, have kids, and then get back together with him. What an innovative way to make you feel like a piece of shit!! Oh, and he’s very spontaneous, so he’ll get angry with you if you show up at his house for your plans that you verified an hour before coming. Lastly, and not that you care about this, but he’s RICH. That awesome kind of rich where he spends lavishly on himself and expects you to buy him his coffee. SUPER selfish. So, what do you think?? Great match? I thought so, too. Let me know when I can get you two together.

    This is a fun exercise because I broke up with this guy 3 years ago after 2 years of dating. But, it wasn’t so funny back when I was stuck in it! GREAT IDEA! <3

    • notsalmon

      Love that you’re laughing about it all now! Its really healing to find the humor in things – and also to remind yourself why a person is not a good catch! Big hug! Much love you!

  • Christina VanSant

    I found a guy for you! He’s exactly what you’ve always wanted in a partner! He’s a little closer in age to your dad than to you, so your parents will be really excited to meet him. I know you don’t want any more kids so it’s good that he’s not interested in having children with you. In fact, he already has two children he hardly ever mentions. He sees them even less than he talks about to (or about) them, so you won’t have to worry about letting too many people into your heart. Eventually, you’ll probably forget they exist.

    I know you need your space. So I tried to find a guy that isn’t too overwhelming. You won’t have to worry about being smothered by your relationship with this guy. He works a lot. Like all the time. Mostly from home, or for weeks, even months, out on the road. After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? He will most likely be so immersed in work and travel that he may forget to call or touch base for weeks. You’ll see how busy he is if you take a look at one of his many social media accounts. There you will see plenty of pics and updates as to what’s going on in his life right now. Rest assured, he’ll probably “like” your tweet to let you know he’s still aware of your existence. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.

    He’s also a wonderful conversationalist. You will also see this in viewing his social media accounts. You may experience it for yourself when he decides to actually answer the phone. Most of the time he will have to call you back though, ya know…because he’s busy. He may forget to call you back though. Ya know…because he’s busy. Don’t fret, even if you don’t always feel it, there will always be plenty of other girls reminding you of how lucky you are to be with him. There’s something really exhilarating about dozens of other women telling you how ugly and unworthy you are. This will really help with any of those self-esteem issues you struggle with.

    He also owns a couple vacation homes. Once he hits a break in his work cycle I know he’ll plan a vacation with you to one of them. That will be fun. A week or two alone with one another on the beach. That’s if he decides to actually bring you with him. There’s no worry about getting “too comfortable” in this relationship because he will always keep you on your toes. He may even forget that he planned the trip WITH you and just head off on his own one day. He’s so giving that he will make it up to you by sending flowers and letting you know he’s sorry “you feel that way”. He won’t fight with you about it though & I know you don’t like to fight anyway. Which is good because he will be too busy fighting his many addictions. I almost forgot to tell you, he’s a very innovative scientist and is working on the best way to self-medicate bi-polar disorder. He’s a leader in this field and you will have a front row seat to the entire process.

    I hope everything works out for the two of you because it sounds like a lifetime of utter bliss.

    • notsalmon

      wow- Good writing job! I truly hope that writing it out like this – with all his challenging attributes at the forefront – help you to see that you need to step back away from him – far, far away! Sending love and hopeful wishes for you to find a partner who treasures who you are! xoox

  • Squeak

    Hello there! Have I got a guy for you! First of all he’s tall, dark & handsome! Just ask him! He is a very positive person . . . and we all know how poisonous negativity is! No matter what happens, he’s positively sure he is smarter than anyone else and is such a charmer that you will believe him! He’s an extremely talented fellow and sings & acts in local plays, etc. You will be so proud of him, because he always has the lead roles . . . or he doesn’t participate!
    He’s a really hard worker too . . . you’ll never have to complain about a lazy bum!
    This guy works all the time. He makes so much money he doesn’t even need vacations! If you DO, he’ll come along and go through the motions of even enjoying
    it. He’s a real expert social drinker too. Lots of fun on holiday!
    He’s a one-woman man, so he won’t run around on you. He will be around so you can shower him with attention and fuss 24/7. You want more sex right? Well, this guy is ready all the time! Forget about your hormones, that won’t be a problem for him.
    The Big Bonus is you’ll be able to have anything you want. He won’t argue with you there! House, car? Anything you like . . . your choice . . . after all you will be buying! He is a really successful business man too . . . just ask him! Even though he’s gone bankrupt twice already, he remains positive that the third one is the charm! In fact he
    is so confident that the bank gives him unsecured loans! How’s that for a charmer? But what if people come asking for money, you say. Well he is so good at sweeping
    under the rug that you will never even notice them! I told you life was positive with this amazing guy! But what if you break up? He won’t burden you with his feelings or want to talk about negative issues and one day he will surprise you and poof! He’ll be out of your life. No fighting, no counseling needed. Well you’ll never see it coming! You can have everything . . . he wants you to be provided for . . . after all you deserve your own stuff! And you’ll never hear from him again. He’ll never bug you with blame unless you insist on talking about it. And you never have to worry about him . . . he’ll charm another gorgeous lady and will forget you very quickly. He’ll be fine!

  • Kylee Feist

    Where can we find this sitcom??? I love the sound of it!!!

  • marsha

    Wow, do I have the guy for you. He will feed your sense of security because
    Hes about 400 pounds so he will also make you feel super slim. He will help you work on yourself because he’s so emotionally unavailable you’ll constantly do things to better yourself to make the relationship better. He will also keep you mentality sharp because he’s an emotional and mental fuck wit; where one moment he loves you an can’t live without you. Than the next week he won’t want to hurt you and needs to be alone but can’t bear to loose the friendship. You will get lots of gold and flowers out of the deal. You will also get the chance to say you were in an emotional DV relationship without even realizing it at the time. After going back and forth on his emotional rollercoaster for 6 weeks you’ll take the control out of his hands and realize what is important to you. You’ll stay fit because sex with him is a fucking work out to hold all of his weight and maneuver yourself at the same time. Yep. You’ll literally work you ass off for this relationship both physically, mentality and, emotionally. Have fun

    I was with this man for 12 years and have an 11 year old child with him. I left him 10 months ago an was moving on with life wasn’t a bad break up until he noticed I moved on in July then he wanted me back and stupidly I went thinking I would have the family I always wanted and what I got was 6 weeks of heartache so I may not be as funny but I know the relationship was shit.