6 Reasons You’re Colorblind To Red Flags
There was a time (a long, long time ago) that I used to be colorblind to red flags. Even red banners! Eventually I developed tools to spot a red flag a-waving – even when it showed up as merely a red hankee. How? I took time to explore the root of my “Red Flag Colorblindness,” and determined that a combo of 6 vulnerabilities were at fault.
If you’ve been blind to red flags, here are 6 potential reasons why!
- You know how it’s not a good idea to text while you’re walking? After all, you’re not focused on what’s right smack in front of you – like that woman walking her poodle or that big steel pole. Similarly, you can become blind to red flags when you’re experiencing a “blinding desire” for finding a relationship. Maybe all your friends are getting married. Maybe you feel pressure from your parents or coworkers. Maybe you’ve just found out your ex is all happily coupled up – and you’re now unstoppably determined to cozy up to someone too. Unfortunately when you have your eyes focused on your “end game,” you can’t be on top of your dating game. Basically, it’s hard to clearly see the person in front of you, when your eyes are obsessively focused on a wedding finish line.
- You know the expression “achilles heel”? It’s in reference to a weakness someone has – which can become their ultimate downfall. Unfortunately many of us have “achilles heels” when it comes to relationships. They can show up as an “Achilles Uterus” (if you’re feeling vulnerable about wanting a baby and your biological clock is ticking); an “Achilles Wallet” (if you’re feeling vulnerable about money); an “Achilles Toosh” (if you’re feeling vulnerable about your weight); “Achilles Wrinkles” (if you’re feeling vulnerable about your age). Basically, if you’re feeling insecure about an aspect of yourself, this can create self-worth issues. The lower your self worth, the lower the bar you’ll be setting for finding a partner. As a result, slimy snaky partners can limbo under your low-bar and slip themselves into your heart!
- Often someone’s “comfort zone” can actually be a “dis-comfort zone.” Meaning? If you grew up in a home where love came with anxiety and pain, then you might feel most comfortable with love coming with anxiety and pain. Basically, your limiting beliefs about love can wind up limiting your happiness. BIG CLUE: If you find yourself constantly asking friends, “Is this normal?” then you might be suspect for having a “comfort zone” which double-duties as a “dis-comfort zone.”
- There’s a well-known expression: “In the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king.” Back when I suffered from “Red Flag Colorblindness,” I was willing to settle for the metaphorical equivalent of a “one-eyed partner”- and not hold out for a “two-eyed partner.” NOTE: I don’t mean to be politically incorrect with this quirky metaphor of a one-eyed partner. I’m simply trying to find a funny way to say that I was willing to settle for a partner who was deeply-deeply-flawed – because I’d become cynical about believing in the existence of a non-deeply-deeply-flawed partner. I kept rationalizing a partner’s bad behavior – because I just thought the metaphorical equivalent of a “one-eyed partner” was the best that was out there. I’d tell myself things like, “Oh well, at least this guy’s got one eye. These days many guys don’t even have one eye! “ Again, apologies if you find this metaphor politically incorrect! I’m just saying that if you’re super cynical about love, then you can wind up accepting the behavior of deeply-deeply-flawed people – because you simply stopped believing that non-deeply-deeply-flawed people exist.
- Guess what? Too much positivity can get you into love trouble just as much as too much cynicism! Surprised? Here’s how! If you’re a very positive person, then when you start to see red flags a-waving you might tell yourself very positive things like, “I can change this quality in this person!” or “I can make the best of this challenging situation!” or “I can handle this red flag because I’m strong and I won’t let it get to me!”
- There’s a famous story that when Columbus first arrived to the new world, the natives could not see his ships, because the natives had never seen a boat before. It took the natives a long time to process what they were seeing, because the concept of a “boat” was so foreign and surreal to them. It was outside of their “mental framework.” Similarly, there’s a chance you cannot see specific red flags because they’re completely outside of your “mental framework.” You’d never do something as crappy as the Red Flag Bearer is doing, so it’s tough for you to process that someone is doing something so crappy to you. For this reason, often people with good hearts just don’t see a bad heart coming.
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