Ready to give up on life? Stop. Breathe. And Move Through The Process Of Grief With These Steps

ready to give up on lifeNOTE: This is a guest blog by Harriet Cabelly.

When you’re in the throes of awfulness, you can’t think about tomorrow. You’re in the powerfully crippling feelings of the moment. And that needs to be attended to. For it’s in the going through them, that you will come through them to a new phase. But it takes time, patience and work.

Wounds must begin to close up before the new layer of skin appears.

I couldn’t get myself to take my year-old daughter to the park. It was too painful for me to see other younger babies with their heads straight and their little hands swiping at the mobile attached to the stroller, while my daughter’s head wobbled, her eyes crossed and her hands lay at her sides. She was beautifully docile with a smile of ease and contentment and a body that lagged behind in hitting the basic milestones of development.

The balloon burst, the bubble popped, normality was shattered upon hearing the neurologist confirm my fears, that yes, there was something wrong.   She had a rare neurological condition, a fluke of development or lack of, that had occurred in the first trimester in utero.

My intense grief began and my mantra of “why me” reverberated against the walls of my shrink’s office week after week.

Session after session, I poured out my deepest feelings of pain and sadness. And hour after hour he held them. He leaned forward and in his beautifully soft voice, he reassured me over and over how normal it was to feel what I was feeling. There was no talk of tomorrow; there was just the here and now and the immediate grief I was feeling, along with his safety net of normalcy.

As someone who is also on the professional side of this {grief} work – loss, grief, growth – I recommend you work the grief process by beginning here …

How To Move Through The Process Of Grief

Feeling:   When in the throes of grief, allow yourself that time to feel horribly. Give yourself ‘permission to be human’ and feel all those awful and intense negative emotions. There’s no running from it but rather sitting with it and having those feelings wash over you. They may very well take you through a torrent of a spin cycle – but in the end you will come through all the cycles and go on. It will not kill you. That old adage, ‘what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger’ is so true. You will feel stronger because you know – and see –  that you did it – you came through it – and are here living on. Now, how you live on is up to you. And that’s the next part of the journey. But the first part is doing the grief work.

Enlisting a helper: While on this bumpy and messy road, enlist a helper to accompany you on this journey into your depths of despair.   It can feel pretty scary, and lonely, to reach that dark place. And nobody can tell you it will be O.K. I mean they can tell you tha t-  but it’s all meaningless and sounds so cliche-ish – because you’re down there and they’re up there  – so what the heck do they know.

Having that someone to walk with you along the painfully unpaved path, guiding you and holding your words as you stumble along, falling down and having that wound ooze over and over again, is the key that will eventually open the door to the outside world once again.

Expressing: Grief must be expressed; it needs a voice so that it can be heard, validated and normalized.   “Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak, knits up the o’er wrought heart, and bids it break.” (Shakespeare) Giving voice to our pain eventually loosens its grip on us. Its toxicity lessens and we start to have periods of lightness and ordinariness.

It’s a rough road. We need someone to hold onto, who’s with us in the presence of our pain, as we expose our deepest wounds and reveal our most vulnerable selves.

We need someone who lets us know, as the clouds start to shift, that there is a better tomorrow.

Written and Shared with Love by Harriet Cabelly, a social worker, writer – and then some. Find out more about Harriet by visiting her website and/or joining her on Facebook.

TWEET THIS NOW: Ready to give up on life? Move through this process of grief.

I’d love to hear your insights on the comment section below! What’s something which comes to your mind and heart when you read about feeling ready to give up on life? Share your personal story or a personal happiness tool! I LOVE it when you share – because I love to find out about my community! Plus, many thousands of peeps read these inspirational essays – so, what you share could be a helpful inspiration for someone else!

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Don’t allow the pain of toxic love to stop you from appreciating the joys of life. Get tools to let go of the hurt – and develop new ways of thinking and dating – which will lead you to true love with a good partner. Love patterns can be broken with the help of my NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM – now discounted – for a limited time only. The NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM is an inspiring online webinar – for both men and women – young and older – single or divorced -or presently in a toxic relationship and confused! You can listen to or watch the NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM anywhere in the world –on any kind of computer – or idevice – at your own pace and convenience. My results-proven tools were loved so much by the folks at OPRAH that they asked me to write a love advice column on their site!  I created this program because I know first hand (and first heart ) the pain and anxiety which comes from being in a toxic relationship – and I also know how to break bad love patterns for good. I found my sweetie in my 40’s and we’ve been happily together for about 5 years and counting. I designed this program from my heart – because I’m passionate about helping people find happy, safe-feeling relationships! I know these tools work! I’d love to help you believe in happy love again – and find it. Click now! Toxic love stops here. Happy relationships start now!

 

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    Some favorite Anne Lamott quotes

    anne lamott quotes

    anne lamott quotes

    anne lamott quotes

    Here’s 3 favorite Anne Lamott quotes. I hugely love her writing!

    TWEET THIS NOW: Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes. Including you. @annelamott via @notsalmon

    TWEET THIS NOW: There is nothing outside of you that will make you happier in any lasting way. Unless you’re waiting for an organ. @annelamott via @notsalmon

    TWEET THIS NOW: There are places in your heart that you dont even know exist until you have a child. @annelamott via @notsalmon

    TWEET THIS NOW: Love these Anne Lamott quotes made into cool inspirational posters via @notsalmon

    I’d love to hear your insights on the comment section below! What’s something which comes to your mind and heart when you read these Anne Lamott quotes. Share your personal story or a personal happiness tool! I LOVE it when you share – because I love to find out about my community! Plus, many thousands of peeps read these inspirational essays – so, what you share could be a helpful inspiration for som

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    Don’t allow the pain of toxic love to stop you from appreciating the joys of life. Get tools to let go of the hurt – and develop new ways of thinking and dating – which will lead you to true love with a good partner. Love patterns can be broken with the help of my NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM – now discounted – for a limited time only. The NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM is an inspiring online webinar – for both men and women – young and older – single or divorced -or presently in a toxic relationship and confused! You can listen to or watch the NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM anywhere in the world –on any kind of computer – or idevice – at your own pace and convenience. My results-proven tools were loved so much by the folks at OPRAH that they asked me to write a love advice column on their site!  I created this program because I know first hand (and first heart ) the pain and anxiety which comes from being in a toxic relationship – and I also know how to break bad love patterns for good. I found my sweetie in my 40’s and we’ve been happily together for about 5 years and counting. I designed this program from my heart – because I’m passionate about helping people find happy, safe-feeling relationships! I know these tools work! I’d love to help you believe in happy love again – and find it. Click now! Toxic love stops here. Happy relationships start now!

    CONTINUE READING

      Life is beautiful. Look around.

      life is beautiful

      TWEET THIS NOW: Your attention, please! Life is beautiful. Look around.

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      Don’t allow the pain of toxic love to stop you from appreciating the joys of life. Get tools to let go of the hurt – and develop new ways of thinking and dating – which will lead you to true love with a good partner. Love patterns can be broken with the help of my NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM – now discounted – for a limited time only. The NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM is an inspiring online webinar – for both men and women – young and older – single or divorced -or presently in a toxic relationship and confused! You can listen to or watch the NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM anywhere in the world –on any kind of computer – or idevice – at your own pace and convenience. My results-proven tools were loved so much by the folks at OPRAH that they asked me to write a love advice column on their site!  I created this program because I know first hand (and first heart ) the pain and anxiety which comes from being in a toxic relationship – and I also know how to break bad love patterns for good. I found my sweetie in my 40’s and we’ve been happily together for about 5 years and counting. I designed this program from my heart – because I’m passionate about helping people find happy, safe-feeling relationships! I know these tools work! I’d love to help you believe in happy love again – and find it. Click now! Toxic love stops here. Happy relationships start now!

      I’d love to hear your insights on the comment section below! What’s something which comes to your mind and heart when you read about how life is beautiful. Share your personal story or a personal happiness tool! I LOVE it when you share – because I love to find out about my community! Plus, many thousands of peeps read these inspirational essays – so, what you share could be a helpful inspiration for someone else! xo Karen

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        What Matters Most in Life? 12 Inspiring Quotes To Remind You!

        What matters most in life? Read on….

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        What Matters Most in Life

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        what matters most in life

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        what matters most in life

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        what matters most in life

         TWEET THIS NOW: 12 Inspiring Quotes To Remind You What Matters Most In Life via @notsalmon

        If you’ve suffered the pain of toxic love, I’d love to give you tools to let go of the hurt – and develop new ways of thinking and dating – which will lead you to true love with a good partner. Love patterns can be broken – with the help of my NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM – now discounted  – for a limited time only. The NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM is an inspiring online webinar – for both men and women – young and older – single or divorced -or presently in a toxic relationship and confused! You can listen to or watch the NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM anywhere in the world –on any kind of computer – or idevice – at your own pace and convenience. My results-proven tools were loved so much by the folks at OPRAH that they asked me to write a love advice column on their site!  I created this program because I know first hand (and first heart ) the pain and anxiety which comes from being in a toxic relationship – and I also know how to break bad love patterns for good. I found my sweetie in my 40’s and we’ve been happily together for about 5 years and counting. I designed this program from my heart – because I’m passionate about helping people find happy, safe-feeling relationships! I know these tools work! I’d love to help you believe in happy love again – and find it. Click now! Toxic love stops here. Happy relationships start now!

        I’d love to hear your insights on the comment section below! What’s something which comes to your mind and heart when you read what matters most in life. Share your personal story or a personal happiness tool! I LOVE it when you share – because I love to find out about my community! Plus, many thousands of peeps read these inspirational essays – so, what you share could be a helpful inspiration for someone else! 

         

        CONTINUE READING

          Unblock writer’s block and publisher’s block

          writer's block

          Want tools and support to unblock writer’s block and publisher’s block – so you can get your book written, polished and published?

          I’d love to help – and so I created something I call THE PILLAGE AND CONQUER PROGRAM

          Already my PILLAGE AND CONQUER PROGRAM  has helped many brilliant-but-stuck people – just like you – flourish and thrive with their books.

          Here’s one quick success story about one of my clients, Gabrielle Bernstein.

          Gabrielle Bernstein came to me with a problem. She wanted to be an inspirational book author – but after a few years of pitching a book proposal titled “Falling In Love With Your Future,” she still hadn’t gotten a publishing deal. She was getting pretty frustrated (as you may be able to imagine).

          Anyway, at the time I had a 5-mornings-a-week global radio show on Sirius Radio called “Be Happy Dammit.”  I was about to create a twice-monthly 3-minute segment called, “Add More Ing To Your Life” – inspired by these words in a paragraph in my Bounce Back Book. But I had so much I was working on, I offered Gabby the opportunity to do the short segments.

          It worked. So after a few, I suggested she create a book with this title.  My sense was that the reason her agent had not sold “Falling In Love With Your Future” was because her title was a bit “ho-hum” and “old school” for the younger hip generation she was seeking to reach. Plus her book idea I felt was too general -not specific enough to be summed up quickly in a way that would hook a publisher and captivate an audience.

          So I tossed her a “million dollar idea”: use the fun and feisty title Add More Ing To Your Life – and its specifically narrow-focused  message – to appeal to her audience – and thereby to publishers.

          That was good, but there’s more…

          One night I wound up meeting the president of Berlitz Publishing over french fries while at a local restaurant with my friend Kathlin Argiro. He invited me to pitch book ideas to a new book division he was starting: QNY.  I wound up selling him “Prince Harming Syndrome.” While at a meeting with editors, I asked what other types of books they were looking for. They told me “self-help for the younger generation.”

          DING!  I called Gabby and said, “I think I finally found you your publisher.”  Gabby was still pretty attached to “Falling In Love With Your Future.” I set up the meeting, and Gabby chose to pitch this book – and the editor passed.  So I coached Gabby to do something unconventional. I coached her not to let this failure (or time) get in her way of a book deal. I explained how she must do a quick call with the editor  – as soon as possible – to tell her about the book with the more high-concept content and more catchy title: Add More Ing To Your Life.

          She did…and the rest is “publishing” and “how to get on Oprah” history.  Gabby has said my helping her to get her first book sold was a “turning point” in her career – and – she’s referred to my help as a “miracle” of sorts – because this happened in 2009 – which she describes as “a time the recession had us in a headlock,” “fear and uncertainty were at an all-time high,” and “nearly every industry was negatively affected.”

          Click here now to find out more about my PILLAGE AND CONQUER PROGRAM.

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            I am a lighthouse

            I am a lighthouse

            TWEET THIS NOW: I am a lighthouse rather than a lifeboat. I dont rescue but instead help others find their way to shore. @notsalmon

            If you’ve suffered the pain of toxic love, I’d love to give you tools to let go of the hurt – and develop new ways of thinking and dating – which will lead you to true love with a good partner. Love patterns can be broken – with the help of my NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM – now discounted  – for a limited time only. The NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM is an inspiring online webinar – for both men and women – young and older – single or divorced -or presently in a toxic relationship and confused! You can listen to or watch the NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM anywhere in the world –on any kind of computer – or idevice – at your own pace and convenience. My results-proven tools were loved so much by the folks at OPRAH that they asked me to write a love advice column on their site!  I created this program because I know first hand (and first heart ) the pain and anxiety which comes from being in a toxic relationship – and I also know how to break bad love patterns for good. I found my sweetie in my 40’s and we’ve been happily together for about 5 years and counting. I designed this program from my heart – because I’m passionate about helping people find happy, safe-feeling relationships! I know these tools work! I’d love to help you believe in happy love again – and find it. Click now! Toxic love stops here. Happy relationships start now!

            I’d love to hear your insights on the comment section below! What’s something which comes to your mind and heart when you read this “I am a lighthouse” quote. Share your personal story or a personal happiness tool! I LOVE it when you share – because I love to find out about my community! Plus, many thousands of peeps read these inspirational essays – so, what you share could be a helpful inspiration for someone else! 

            CONTINUE READING

              How Stress Can Lead To Emotional Trauma

              POSTER REPEAT REPAIR CHRISTINE 2NOTE: This is a guest blog by  Christine Langley-Obaugh, M.Ed.

              “Ugh! “I am sooo stressed out!” 

              How many of you say or think this on a daily basis? How many of you feel regularly that if anything else happens, you might just lose it?

              In actuality, our ability to handle stress as an adult stems from earlier childhood experiences. When we have not processed losses or trauma exposures, our ability to resiliently bounce back become impacted

              Meaning? Let’s say you grew up in an environment that wasn’t the best – with parents that may have been careless or inattentive. Maybe a parent was absent. Maybe a parent had a serious illness. Let’s say you experienced some stress as a child. Maybe, you even experienced chronic stress.

              When a child’s sense of safety and security are threatened, trauma may result.

              Any situation that leaves one feeling overwhelmed, lonely and isolated can lead to emotional trauma. If something happened unexpectedly – you were unprepared and you felt defenseless – you may have suffered a trauma exposure.

              Pay attention when you’re feeling stressed to the max. Have you ever felt the same way before? Does what you are presently going through remind you of emotions you’ve experienced in a similar type of incident from your past?

              It could in fact be that you continue to repeat what you don’t repair.

              A situation in your life right now may connect to an earlier similar incident – an event which wasn’t fully processed. As a result, although the current situation may appear to be magnified, it is typically the earlier incident that has produced the extreme negative charge – not what you’re dealing with in the present.

              Simply put: The earlier stressful event has not been processed.

              It’s time to make YOU the priority.

              It is NOT: What’s wrong with you?

              It IS: What happened to you?

              If you want lower stress levels, improved relationships and more energy, you may wish to seek out a trained or certified grief or trauma counselor or facilitator – someone who can help you examine and process events.

              Written by Christine Langley-Obaugh, M.Ed.  Owner, The Stress Reduction Spot, LLC.

              Click to read The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study  – which explains more about the risks that form as a result of losses and trauma exposures in childhood. To determine your ACE score, click here.

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              If you’ve suffered the pain of toxic love, I’d love to give you tools to let go of the hurt – and develop new ways of thinking and dating – which will lead you to true love with a good partner. Love patterns can be broken – with the help of my NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM – now discounted  – for a limited time only. The NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM is an inspiring online webinar – for both men and women – young and older – single or divorced -or presently in a toxic relationship and confused! You can listen to or watch the NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM anywhere in the world –on any kind of computer – or idevice – at your own pace and convenience. My results-proven tools were loved so much by the folks at OPRAH that they asked me to write a love advice column on their site!  I created this program because I know first hand (and first heart ) the pain and anxiety which comes from being in a toxic relationship – and I also know how to break bad love patterns for good. I found my sweetie in my 40’s and we’ve been happily together for about 5 years and counting. I designed this program from my heart – because I’m passionate about helping people find happy, safe-feeling relationships! I know these tools work! I’d love to help you believe in happy love again – and find it. Click now! Toxic love stops here. Happy relationships start now!

              I’d love to hear your insights on the comment section below! What’s something which comes to your mind and heart when you read this essay. Share your personal story or a personal happiness tool! I LOVE it when you share – because I love to find out about my community! Plus, many thousands of peeps read these inspirational essays – so, what you share could be a helpful inspiration for someone else! 

               

               

              CONTINUE READING

                Best Selling Author • Over 1 million books Sold • Oprah Columnist • Brand Consultant • Motivational Speaker • Proud Mommy

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