Want to increase your chances of getting that job, raise,
discount?

I have an informative tale to tell, which begins with a tiny
tail, the one attached to my very cute little dog Maxine, a
miniature terrier, my better 1/8th.

I often multi-task walking Maxine with doing errands, especially
errands where I know there might be long lines, like going to
the bank or Fedex. I figure not only might Maxine benefit from
some good heavy petting, but all those bored and impatient
people can get some good licks in, and the playful warmth
exchanged is very win/win.

Last month I had a major computer meltdown, and so invited Maxine
along on my excursion to the local computer store, knowing they
always have lines so long, they actually give out bakery tickets
to keep track of the entourage.

About forty minutes passed before my number was called, but
thankfully for me (and Steve, the very exhausted computer
attendant who had called my number) my waiting time had passed in
good spirits, because Maxine had made many friends, all of whom
she’d generously introduced me to.

I arrived at a very fatigued Steve’s desk in a playful mood,
rather than the typical foul customer mood more expectant of
someone who’s computer had crashed, and they had to wait nearly an
hour, only to be told an exorbitant price to amend their laptop
situation.

I tried to bargain with Steve.

But Steve kept telling me no, then NO. (And in sort of the same
stern voice I use to tell Maxine NO when she wants to partake of
the dinner my boyfriend and I are sharing.)

But because I was in a playful mood, rather than give up, I
adlibbed a joke.

I held up Maxine, so her sweet puppy dog eyes stared Steve
directly in his dog-tired face, and said: Maybe you can say no to
a discount for me — but can you look Maxine directly in her
eyes and tell her we’re not getting a discount?

Steve laughed.

Heartily.

The next thing I knew, Maxine had snagged me a bonus 15%
off discount.

And Steve’s mood had risen far more than 15%. He actually
began smiling.

The lesson here?

No, it’s not to bring a dog with you the next time you buy a car
or negotiate your salary.

It’s to bring a sense of humor wherever you go!

Much of my success in business is due to using humor, and so
below are some helpful tips which you can use verbatim, or re-
write to fit your personality, all of which will remind you of
the powerful perks of staying in a perky mood.

The truth of the matter: There’s far too much stress and sadness
in the world.

According to Marci Shmimoff, author the N.Y.Times best seller,
HAPPY FOR NO REASON: The World Health Organization predicts that
by 20/20, depression will be second only to heart disease in
terms of global burden of illness.

Meaning? Even if using some of the humorous ideas below don’t snag
you that discount, job, raise, at least youre out there having
fun — and trying to make this world a happier place.

5 LAUGH YOUR WAY TO THE BANK BUSINESS TIPS:

1. SALARY NEGOTIATION

I once used this humorous quip, during a tough salary negotiation.The client said: “Karen, this is a negotiation.There’s supposed to be some give and take.” I teased: Fine. “You give. And I will take.” …Guess what? That’s exactly what happened.

2. TRYING TO GET IN THE DOOR Recently I had this humor quip used
on me. And it worked. A PR person kept pitching me their
client for my Sirius show. On about her seventh email, she
switched gears, and began her email with this line: “I feel
like one of those dolls that keeps bouncing back up again and
again, but –” I laughed at her joke, re-read her pitch more
attentively, and booked her guest. Later I used her exact
email intro quip on someone I’d be unsuccessful at getting in
to see. Guess what? I got the meeting.

3. INTERVIEW When I was in advertising, I used this joke once at
the end of an interview, and it clinched my job offer. At the end
of the interview, the exec asked me, Okay. Do you have any
questions for me? I adlibbed: “Um. Yes. Can you name all seven of
the seven dwarves?” The exec laughed, then tried to list them. As
he did I quipped, “You know I have a theory that whichever dwarf
you name first says something about you. ” (He’d said HAPPY first.
Maybe my surreal answer had put him in this state?) Then the exec
tried to list all seven of those seven dwarves, but couldnt. So I
quipped, I also have a theory, its revealing which dwarfs name
you cant remember. (As it turned out, neither he nor I could
remember all seven dwarves. And so my job offer came with a
strange code word. My headhunter called to tell me: The exec said
you got the job and to tell you SNEEZY. My guess: This humorous
quip worked for a few reasons. (1) It was a creative director job
I was interviewing for, so I was actually giving him proof of my
creativity. (2) All resumes being equal, people are so yearning
for fun at work, they’d rather hire the fun/playful person. (3)
Their ad agency was more of an edgy agency. This humorous quip
might not have boded so well if I’d be interviewing at a bank. (4)
It’s boring interviewing people. I snapped the exec out of his
interview trance, and so I not only stood out in the crowd, I
changed his energy state, and so he associated more positive
emotions with me. Note: This adlib was completely by accident. I
too was bored with interviewing, and was yearning to pep things
up. I did not go in purposefully with this answer. But hey, if it
worked with me, feel free to try it for yourself. But only if the
job offer fits this jokey response.)

3. AVOIDING A DIFFICULT QUESTION: Often people ask me
inappropriate questions, like: “Do you mind if I ask you how
much money you got for an advance on that book deal?” My
answer: “I don’t mind you asking. I just mind me answering.”
… I find it closes down this uncomfortable conversation in a
warm manner.

4. WARNING: EVEN A COMEDIAN KNOWS TO TEST HIS AUDIENCE AND DO A
FEW WARM UP JOKES With this in mind, I always begin EVERY
phonecall I make with: IS NOW A GOOD TIME TO TALK? If someone
is in a frantic mood, it’s important to know before you begin
talking. After all, it wont matter how fabulous your product
is or how adorable you might be, if someone’s mindset is on
OFF. Plus, I also know to test out my humor slowly and raise
the edginess of it slowly. Know thy audience before you quip
too outrageously!

I’ve been getting ready to move apartments. And one perk to packing: you become very aware of your stuff, and how little you truly need.

Looking around my home this last month I thought: I must simplify, simplify, simplify!

Then I thought, if I were really into simplifying I wouldn’t say simplify three times. I’d just say simplify.

Or “simp.”

I began with “simp-ing” my closet — tossing out all the clothes I no longer loved, needed, wore.

I could not believe how cheerful this “let-go-mania” made me. I felt like some bizzarro-world-anti-Santa, giving myself this jolly gift of taking away. Oh, oh, oh!

Next I cleaned out the clutter in my office – and discovered — by coincidence — a book called: DOES THIS CLUTTER MAKE MY BUTT LOOK FAT?—sent to me by the PR team for Peter Walsh, the celebrated organizational guru from TLC’s CLEAN SWEEP, and a regular on Oprah.

The irony of finding a book about clutter in the midst of my clutter was not lost upon me.

I considered it a sign. I began to read.

I quickly became hooked.

According to Walsh’s wonderful book, I wasn’t the only one who felt better after a good “simping.” Many of his devoted followers have written to thank him – explaining how their entire lives improved after tossing excess belongings. Indeed, many wound up tossing excess weight as well – hence the title of his book.

Intrigued, I set up an interview with Walsh by phone.

“Yes, the ripple affect of a good clean up is staggering,” said Walsh. “Your house is a metaphor for your life. The more together your house, the more together your life. Your house, your head, your home, your hips – they are all connected.”

“Why do you think that is?” I asked.

“Many people who are unhappy invest in lots of stuff. But once material goods assume too much of a primary focus, you’ve lost your way. Too many people’s primary relationship is with their stuff. And your stuff makes the worst mistress. It demands everything - your money — your attention. It wants and consumes - but delivers nothing. It’s for good reason that every major religious teaching – from the Torah to the Bible to the Koran – warn about the dangers of material goods.”

“Aristotle did too,” I added.

I’ve been researching Aristotle for a book I’m writing – and view him as the world’s first self help guru.

Aristotle put forth that the reason so many people were unhappy was because they confused “pleasure” for “true happiness.”

“Pleasure” is about easy, immediate gratification – acting on impulse to please the ego and body.

In contrast, “true happiness” usually requires effort, patience, and courage — and is about surrounding yourself with people, habits and experiences which challenge and inspire you to become your highest potential.

Because “true happiness” is about growing into your best self – it lasts a good long time — as long as you last – because it’s about improving you.

“Pleasure” in contrast is quick and fleeting.

Modern day psychologists agree with Aristotle’s philosophies.

For example, Dan Gilbert, psychology professor at Harvard and author of “Stumbling on Happiness” has written about how the pursuit of pleasure keeps a person on the “hedonic treadmill” – always wanting more and more – and more! Sure, you can get immediate gratification from your new shiny diamond necklace. But all too soon, that shininess fades, and you’re quickly running on the “hedonic treadmill” — to snag your next bling thing.

The result? You wind up amassing a “joyless clutter” around your home.

And as if that’s not bad enough, this collected clutter winds up creating further clutter — within your psyche!

“You simply cannot make your best choices — your healthiest choices — in a messy, disorganized space,” reminds Walsh. “Your home has to be a place that nurtures you — protects you — and from that place of calm and security you can make the best decisions for your life.”

How true. I know for me, as a writer, I’ve consistently found I not only need “a room of my own” as Virginia Woolf recommends — I need a clean, sparse room to write my best.

A messy space messes with my head – and makes me believe in the powers of “feng shui” – because the creative energy in a chaotic space literally feels out of whack.

Sometimes I don’t know which comes first – the clutter in my head, or the clutter in my office. But usually they do mirror one another. And I’ve often found the cure for writer’s block is cleaning up – proving Walsh’s theory – that there’s a ripple affect between a “together home” and a “together life.”

“Being organized is about deciding to be awake,” Walsh explained. “When you clean up your home, it’s because you’re choosing to be conscious – and not just go through unconscious motions, buying things, and tossing things. You’re choosing to become more discerning – which then creates a domino affect of conscious discernment – right down to choosing better foods — and better-for-you relationships.”

“That makes sense,” I said. “Plus I bet as you gain confidence in your ability to create change in your life, you have more confidence to create other changes as well. You feel more in control of your life, and thereby take control of your life.”

“Exactly,” said Peter. “It’s thrilling for people to start to feel their life come into alignment – and they ride that positive wave.”

Even though my interview with Walsh was by phone — I intuited that he practiced what he preached – because it sounded as if Walsh’s voice had that “echo affect” which only happens when someone is calling from a very empty room.

“Yes,” Walsh said chuckling, “You’re right. My house is starkly decorated. I simply do not like a lot of things cluttering up my home. I really do think it’s a shame how the health of America is based upon our economy and consumer spending – how our president prescribed “GO OUT AND SHOP!’ as a cureall.”

I must confess, I personally understood that tendency to believe in “retail therapy” as a panacea.

But I also know, from all my happiness research, that the big joke on shopping addicts is that material things bring the least lasting joy. And in contrast it’s immaterial, evanescent things which create the most lasting joy.

For example, taking vacations with your partner, going to dinner with family, playing sports with friends.

As Aristotle said: “”Money is a means to an end, not an end in itself.”

Or to translate him for modern times, Aristotle basically meant: “Money doesn’t buy happiness…unless you use your money to buy experiences which help you to grow into your best self.”

Modern day researchers agree. In particular Gilovich and Leaf Van Boven of the University of Colorado created studies which showed students became much happier after taking vacations with friends than they did after purchasing new material possessions.

Their reasoning for these results? Whereas objects fade in appreciation — experiences improve – because people tend to embellish and remember experience better than they were!

Of course, Gilovich and Leaf Van Boven also recognized that buying a thing can also create an experience — if you use the thing rightly.

For example…

A book which sits amidst clutter is merely a thing.

But a book you read, savor and learn from – like Walsh’s book - is an experience.

And I was definitely enjoying my experience with Walsh’s book.

Before ending my interview I asked Walsh to give a quickie pointer to help clutter-addicts stop their madness.

“It’s like this,” said Walsh. “Every time you buy something, you must ask yourself ‘Does this object help move me closer to the life I want – give me something back in a longterm way. If it doesn’t – then ask yourself why in God’s name are you buying it? Stop bringing things into your home, unless you know they will help you to create the feeling in your home that you truly want.”

I couldn’t agree with Walsh more.

And so when I finally ended our conversation, I merrily put Walsh’s book in the pile of things to be brought with me to my new apartment.

Theres a famous expression: Its just as easy to love a rich man as it is to love a poor man.

Theres also a not-so-famous expression (because I’m now just making it up!): Its just as easy to COMPLAINabout a rich man as it is to COMPLAIN about a poor man.

Although the total absence of an income might bring its share of stress into a relationship, adamantly seeking a marital partner whos a millionaire wont necessarily guarantee you a lifetime of bliss.

Consistently studies show that individuals who prioritize wealth over close human connection tend to be less happy. And this is consistent in every culture.

Sociological researcher H. W. Perkins surveyed 800 college alumni, and discovered that those who reported Yuppie Values (preferring high income, job success, and status over enjoying truly close friendships and highly connected love relationships) were twice as likely to describe themselves as fairly unhappy or very unhappy.

Interestingly, a similar correlation appeared among 7,167 college students surveyed in 41 countries. Those who prioritized love over money reported higher life satisfaction than their money obsessed pals.

And what about that rumor: Money problems are a top cause of divorce?

Mere hearsay according to Jan Andersen, associate professor at CSU Sacramento, who did extensive sociological research and wrote a doctoral dissertation on this very subject.

“As a predictor of divorce, money problems are so minor,” Andersen says. “If we look at all the causes of divorce, financial problems can only account for 5 percent of the effect.”

On an interesting note, when Anderson first embarked on his research, his goal was to prove a cause and affect link between money and divorce. Andersen was both a child of divorce and a teacher of personal finance and so he liked the concept that improving money managing skills might improve marriage success rates.

However to Andersen’s surprise, the only research he found showing an actual link between money and divorce was one mere survey from 1948, of postwar divorced women asked what ended their marriages. Their leading response: nonsupport. Translation: Hubby wasnt providing enough money.

But Andersen clarified that nonsupport was one of the only grounds you could use to get a divorce back then. Plus, this survey focused only on wives opinions. Not husbands.

Recent research, however, consistently showed money playing a far lesser role in divorce, usually ranking about fifth in the blame line up, behind incompatibility, lack of emotional support, abuse and sexual problems.

Andersen hypothesis: Money is a more socially acceptable reason for divorce than confessing to abuse or sexual problems, so people claim it out loud more often.

Another essential point to keep in mind: Even when couples fight about money, theyre often really fighting about more important underlying problems, reminds Olivia Mellan, a Washington D.C. therapist and author of “Money Harmony: Resolving Money Conflicts in Your Life and Relationships.”

“Its always what the money represents: dependency, control, freedom, security, pleasure, self-worth,” explains Mellan.

The lesson to be learned from all this: All the money in the world wont make you happy. But a loving highly connected relationship just might.

With this in mind, heres some priceless money and love advice:

1. When in the courting phase, make sure you and your paramour do a range of activities having nada to do with moola. Go for a picnic in the park. Eat in a greasy spoon diner. Cook at home and watch an old movie. Suss out how much you enjoy each others company while merely putting cheese whiz on a Ritz, and not putting on the Ritz or staying at the Ritz!

2. Talk directly about money with your paramour. How much do you need to be happy and why? What do you prioritize spending money on? Trips. Clothes. A fabulous home. Charity events. College Education. Plastic surgery. Saving rainforests. Do you share the same monetary priorities? Are you both compatible when it comes to being high vs. low spenders?

3. Heres another helpful and insightful paramour conversation. Together discuss how each of you relate money to self worth, pleasure, freedom, security, dependency, control. Do you both share compatible attitudes about the underlying value and role of money?

4. Buy a bunch of gossip magazines, and read all about the troubled relationships of the rich and famous. Obviously money is not buying guaranteed happiness amongst the jet set.

5. If you insist on marring rich, make sure your partner has a diversified Good Character Values Portfolio, with the full gamut of valuing communication, loyalty, warmth, friendship, family, trust, and compassion.

No doubt about it. A night spent with the right intimate partner eating tuna fish sandwiches is far more enjoyable than a night spent with the wrong partner eating lobster and caviar.

IT
IS
BETTER
TO
BE
A
LITTLE
WRONG
THAN
VERY
RIGHT
AND
VERY
ALONE!

What do I mean by those powerful 14 words?

1. If you’re having lots of relationship problems — and repeatedly thinking "I’M OKAY. EVERYBODY ELSE SUCKS!" — then it’s time to start wondering what YOU (yes lil’ YOU!) might be contributing to the "people problems" around you.

2. Consider saying these tongue twisters more to the people you love:"How do you see things?" "How might I have hurt you?" "How could I better empathise with what you’re going through?" "You talk first — because I really want to hear how you feel and understand better." "I really want to grow as a person and am willing to hear how I might have contributed to your hurt and anger." "I’m sorry." "I apologize."

3. If someone takes the time to apologize to you, and expresses how they want to change and move past a conflict — let go! Release your anger. Recognize we’re all flawed human beings. More important than the quality of seeking "perfection" in others — are the qualities of "loving heart" and "seeking growth." Ask yourself if you really find it so joyously preferable to feel so very very right when in conflict with people — because if you do, you will repeatedly simultaneously wind up finding yourself feeling very, very alone.

In fact I think waiting to see if you are going to hell or not is far more torturous than actually being there.

So much so, if you really want to curse someone out don’t tell them "Go to hell!"

Tell them: "Go wait to see if you are going to hell!”

Unfortunately in business there exists a few standard career equivalents to this sentence:

"We will get back to you."

"We need to do a bit more research."

"Lets run the numbers a few ways then decide."

I recognize it’s hard to wait. But if you let impatience influence you in business, you’ll always wind up cutting corners, fudging numbers, and ending up with a product that screams: "Hi! I was cheap and easy!"

Basically, there always 2 reasons to do anything:

1. The RIGHT reason.

2. The reason that was motivated by SPEED.

And there’s always 2 reasons for choosing the second speed reason:

1. Need for CONTROL.

2. Feelings of DOUBT/INSECURITY.

With this in mind, when it comes to impatience there are 3 things to always keep in mind:

1. Fast doesn’t always last.

2. A shortcut is often the longest distance between two points.

3. It’s often better to go for long-term greed that short term greed.

I believe the best business people know the right answer to the Famous Marshmallow Quandary:

Would you rather have one marshmallow now … or …five marshmallows later?

ANSWER:

Always hold out for the five marshmallow business advantage.

YOUR GOAL FOR TODAY:

Be aware of all the one-marshmallows you’re impatiently reaching for, and decide to re-focus instead on the five-marshmallow reward of harnessing patience.

There’s a great quote in that wonderful tale, “The Little Prince” where the Prince wisely says: “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

What this quote describes is “soulmate love” — which is a far more mature love than “egomate love” — which too many people get tricked into seeking — and thereby never finding true love and true happiness.

In case you’ve been foolishly getting “soulmate love” confused with its lesser”egomate love” fake and faux pas imitiation — here are some helpful reminders …

Soulmate

A soulmate is someone whom when you meet — without thinking – without letting your neocortex play into the decision – you feel an instant familiarity, a sense of connection, a longing.

Egomate

An egomate is someone who you instantly want because you know they will “look good to others” – because this person is beautiful or rich, or has some ego massaging quality. But this thing you like about this person is a generic superficial quality — rather than the dynamic and tingly connection you feel when with this person.

Soulmate

A soulmate is someone who you could spend a great deal of time with just sitting on a sofa and feel happy. You don’t need fanfare. You don’t need to go out to expensive restaurants. Just being with them cuddling and kissing feels like a vacation.

Egomate

An egomate is someone who you need to spend lots of money on and do ritzy activities with to fully feel the excitement of being with them.

Soulmate

A soulmate is someone who you miss when they’re not around – and can even lose sleep over. When you talk about this person to friends, you might mention their looks or money, but you mainly talk about what makes them special to you – those deeper, less
superficial qualities which are about connecting soul to soul.
You feel a passionate friendship for this person.

Egomate

An egomate is someone who when you talk about this person to friends, you mainly talk about this person as being rich or beautiful — or any of a variety their trophy qualities which build up your ego. If you’re honest with yourself, some part of you doesn’t respect this partner of yours on certain levels — or even like them as a friend. Indeed if you weren’t dating this person, you might not even be friends with them. Perhaps you even feel a bit bored by them if you spend too much time alone in their company or sitting on a sofa just talking. But your ego overpowers your instincts, because your ego loves talking about how rich or beautiful this person is – and impressing friends and family.

Soulmate

You’re not looking for perfection in your partner. Perfection is all about the ego. With soulmate love you know that true love is what happens when disappointment sets in – and you’re willing to deal maturely with these disappointments. You recognize nobody is perfect. Not only does your partner have imperfections, so do you. And because you value the deep love and connection you are lucky enough to share, you choose to work on your problems and grow as individuals and as a couple. With soulmate love, you’re not only finally ready to wear your heart on your sleeve, but roll up your sleeves and do the necessary work. Your goal with a soulmate is to create the most fabulous “inside world” – inside yourself as a growing individuals and inside your private relationship as a thriving couple.

Egomate

Your ego cares about perfection. A lot. In particular your ego cares about your partner appearing perfect to the outside world. You’re less forgiving about imperfections in your partner because of your ego – because you take your partner’s imperfections personally — as showing you as being imperfect — and your ego does not like your not being perfect. So you put a high priority on looking super cool and perfect to others. Indeed, you are so blinded by the image perks your uber-gorgeous or uber-rich partner offers up. that there’s an immature part of you who doesn’t really feel the need to connect in friendship with your partner – or grow as a person when problems arise in the relationship. You just care about the “ego symbols” you are showing to the outside world.

Soulmate

Your partner could gain weight, lose all their money, lose all their hair - and you wouldn’t care. You love them for their core self.

Egomate

If your partner gained weight, lost their money, lost their hair, you’d lose your “ego symbol”and thereby feel less attracted to this person and want to break up.

In summary: Soulmate love is far more satisfying. Afterall, looks and money can (and often) fade. But a bad personality and bad values and a bad intimacy connection are forever.

How’s your love life these days? Is there still loving love in your relationship?

If your sweetie did something…well, unsweet, and youre upset… remember how you talk and listen to each other, will determine whether or not you remain with each other.
Darlene Mininni, Phd, author of the book THE EMOTIONAL TOOLKIT, has some helpful tips to make sure your honest conversations don’t become your last conversations.

1. Begin difficult conversations WITHOUT criticism. According to Gottman’s research from The Love Lab, 96% of the time you can predict how a conversation will end based on its first three minutes. So make sure you don’t start out BLAMING – or calling the person an uncaring person. If you do, then your sweetie will spend more time defending themselves, than attending to your needs and feelings. Instead, explain how the situation affects you – affects your feelings, values, goals. After your talk, your sweetie should then repeat back how they hear what you feel, so they can fully empathise – be in your shoes, head, heart — thereby increasing their listening and empathy power – which will increase your ability to find a loving solution power!

2. Don’t try to convince your sweetie you are right and they are wrong. When you feel attacked by your sweetie’s actions/words, it’s normal to want to defend yourself - to explain all the reasons why you are right and your sweetie is wrong. Whether your tone is loving or combative, the underlying thinking is the same: “Once your sweetie realizes how wrong they are, they will change!” Guess what? It ain’t so! So stop trying to focus on winning your arguments. Instead try to focus on having a winning relationship! How? Try talking in “I” sentences instead of “you” sentences – so you speak more about how you feel. (And NO.. “I think you are a jerk is NOT an example of an “I” statement!) Your goal is to get your sweetie to EMPATHISE with you. So forget about facts. Keep staying with your feelings, values, dreams. From this place of empathy, perhaps your sweetie will better hear you — and thereby want to find a way to take care of your needs and feelings (aka: want to change their evil ways!).

3. When you’re angry, calm yourself before you begin communicating. Although studies show that yelling is better than stonewalling, because at least it’s about intimately connecting with your sweetie, and showing you care enough to want to deal with the problem at hand – alas, yelling has its share of problems as well. Studies show that when people rant and yell, they just get angrier. The best strategy: Wait until you’ve calmed down to speak to your sweetie. Interesting factoid: If you and/or your sweetie’s heartbeat becomes higher than 100 beats per minute during an argument, you will not be able to fully hear what the other person is saying. This physical reason alone is good reason not to yell – as it will only stymie your attempts to communicate, frustrating you further. Also, studies show that a strong emotion like anger literally interferes with your ability to think rightly. When you’re angry parts of your brain’s processing become blocked, and it’s literally more difficult to think clearly and solve problems. Keep in mind a ditty Einstein once said: “The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level thinking we were at when we created them.”

4. Never share important conversations by emailing back and forth. Or texting. (Yes some couples talk about important issues by text!). You need to sit in the same room, and if possible hold each other’s hands as you have your difficult conversations. This sense of touch will keep you reminded about your goal: to share a loving, empathic conversation.

5. After a conflict, you need to put in the effort of repair. Gottman suggests you need a ratio of 5 to 1 nice/nasty moments- that’s 5 nice moments to 1 nasty moment. After a conflict, send loving emails, do loving gestures, share what you love and appreciate about each other out loud — or in quiet, sexy whispers.

6. Don’t obsess about the past. Once a disagreement or difficult situation has occurred, and you’ve talked empathically about, do not ruminate about it. Forgive and forget. What you should be focusing on after your talk is: Does my sweetie want to change so this conflict does not repeat. If your sweetie is putting in the effort of change — then, well, your sweetie truly is a sweetie, and you should let them know how much you appreciate their efforts

Have you taken a look at some of those newfangled juice names: Get Smart Juice, Passion Power, Energy Hound, Hocus Focus, B- Relaxed, D-Stress.

So many juices promising so many benefits!

But nobody makes Compassion Cocktail or Niceness Nectar! Nobody makes a juice which makes you nicer or more considerate, offers up the potential for building up a bigger, warmer heart!

I know what you’re thinking: Maybe the manufacturers just can’t make it!

But, I’m betting if there were money to be made in Compassion Cocktail or Niceness Nectar, companies would find a way to make that juice.

Besides, are you really sure any of those other juices (like Passion Power and Hocus Focus) work anyway?

And yet you buy them, just for the hope they will help.

The harsh truth is companies would never even bother to put in the research to create a Compassion Cocktail or a Niceness Nectar, because they have a corporate sense that niceness, compassion and consideration are just not valued enough in this world to sell to the masses!

Which kind of explains much of the mess our world is in globally. And why people are so unhappy personally.

Kindness, compassion and consideration are key TRUE HAPPINESS DETERMINATORS, right on up there with having high self esteem and sharing intimate connections with others. Which makes sense, because the kinder you are in life, the more you raise your self esteem and the more you increase your connections with others.

Plus, here are some other quickie quirky facts on the perks of kindness…

University of Michigan reported nice is healthier. Older Americans who provide support to others, either through volunteer work or simply by being a good friend and neighbor, had a 60 percent lower rate of premature death than their unhelpful peers.

University of Toronto reported that nice is luckier in love. People who are low key and congenial have one half the divorce rate of the general population.

Malcolm Gladwell in his book Blink reported that nice spends less time in court. Doctors who had never been sued spoke to their patients for an average of three minutes longer than physicians who had been sued twice or more.

And according to positive psychology professor and author Martin Seligman, the biggest feelings of happiness come from leading “a meaningful life,” using personal strengths to be of kindly, altruistic service.

In an experiment called “Philanthropy versus Fun,” Seligman divided his psychology students so some engaged in pleasurable activities (going to the movies, eating yummy ice cream) and the others did philanthropic activities (volunteering at a soup kitchen, reading to the blind).

Guess what?

The happiness afterglow of the fun was nada compared to the lasting happiness of doing altruistic acts.

Meaning?

Doing good for others will also make you feel good—and, according to Seligman, your highest level of feel-good.

Your Assignment: Today be aware of doing small kindnesses to others. Give an extra smile, sweet gesture, warm compliment, generous favor. Also, ask your self what loving deed can you do? How can you help those in greater need? Consider getting involved with a charity where you can make an ongoing contribution.

Once upon a time there was a small, happy little dog who loved to wag his tail and be playful and adoring with others. This happy little dog heard about a wonderful house with lots of other doggies. He decided to visit.

The happy doggie found The House up on nearby hillside. He bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway and when he peeked inside he saw a bunch of other doggies.

The happy doggie’s ears instantly lifted high and his tail began to wag as fast as it could.

To his great surprise, the happy doggie found himself staring at 1000 other happy little doggies, each with their tails wagging just as fast as his.

He smiled a great big smile, and was answered with 1000 great big smiles – each just as warm and friendly as his.

As he left The House, the happy doggie thought: Wow! That was fun! What a wonderful place. I must come back and visit often!

Meanwhile, in this same village, there lived another little doggie, who was not quite as happy as the first one. In fact this doggie was often seen trudging around mournfully, hanging his tail low, growling at passerbys.

This mournful doggie also decided to visit The House on the hillside.

He slowly climbed the stairs and as he peered into the doorway, he hung his head low and protectively growled.

Inside he saw 1000 unfriendly looking dogs, each staring back at him. He growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him.

As he left, he thought: Wow! That is a horrible place. I will never go back there again!

Basically, wherever you go there you are, reflected in all you see around you.

The world is a world of mirrors.

The reflections you see in the faces of the people you meet are often a reflection of your mood and lens on the world.

Today if you feel the urge to growl at someone, think about that little growling doggie and what he received back.

Instead of growling, ask yourself: What would LOVE do in this moment?

Albert Einstein said: We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.

I say: Most of the problems in your life were created by not being in a place of love energy - and instead being in a place of anger/hate/resentment energy. If you want to solve your problems, you must change your energy to a loving energy, and keep asking yourself: What would LOVE do in this moment?

And…if you consistently see growling angry MIRRORS around you, think about this tale of those wagging tails.

Force yourself to wag a bit more merrily at others.

Build up those tail wagging muscles, dammit, and you will see a change in all you see!