Tag Archive for 'love tip'
Some of the roads we take in life are far more problematic — have many more lions and tigers and bears, oh my. In fact, if I’d been with Dorothy on her journey, at a certain point I’d have suggested she consider trying a less troublesome path than her Yellow Brick Road - maybe a Turquoise Brick Road - or a nice grassy path!
Same goes for you — and the love path you take to try to live happily ever after in love.
If lately you feel like all the partners you’re meeting are a version of bad, wrong, and “what was I thinking” - thereby these partners are forever blocking your path to reaching happily ever after love – now is the time to reassess your path.
In “The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying” there is a small but mighty poem called “Autobiography in Five Chapters” which wisely describes the need to get off of those more treacherous tracks.
“Autobiography in Five Chapters”
1) I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost . . .I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
2) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
3) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit.
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault
I get out immediately.
4) I walk down the same street.
There’s a hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
5) I walk down another street.
QUESTION TO YOU: Where are you right now when it comes to your love life? In Chapter 1, 2, 3, or 4? Are you ready to finally get to chapter 5 - and head on down a new path - the one which leads to happily ever after love?
Today is the day to start living your IDEAL LIFE!
If you keep finding yourself experiencing a repeated pattern of bad love, TODAY IS THE DAY TO BREAK THOSE BAD PATTERNS FOR GOOD!
In my book PRINCE HARMING SYNDROME I offer many techniques to help you jackhammerdrill down to understand your repeated patterns in love - then offer you techniques to break your patterns and start attracting healthier love choices. You can find out more about PRINCE HARMING SYNDROME for FREE by reading some of my many articles I’ve written on this subject on www.OPRAH.COM….and/or you can find out more about PRINCE HARMING SYNDROME by clicking this line, right here, RIGHT NOW.
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Seeking a happy relationship? If so - what traits are you prioritzing finding in a partner?
Most of the people I coach say they focus mainly on finding a partner who is sexy, smart, funny, successful, charismatic.
Although these qualities are important, in my book PRINCE HARMING SYNDROME I explain how there are 5 essential traits which must come far before these traits.
For the purposes of this blog, I will only be honing in on 1 of these 5 traits - the trait of “happy.”
Basically, if you want to live happily ever after, your partner has to be healthfully happy!
It’s like this:
If your partner is consistently unhappy, it will be as if they are giving off “a smell of unhappiness”—which can create two problems:
1. Firstly, your partner is often not aware that this “smell of unhappiness” is emanating from them. They just know “unhappiness is abounding.” The risk? They will sniff around, see you close by, then blame that unhappy stench all on you!
2. Secondly, your partner’s bad unhappiness smell can ruin your mood, making your home environment hard to be within. Sure, it’s good to be there to support your partner—but not if you’re doing it so much it makes you potentially get depressed too.
Psychologists and biologists even have a name for this: “emotional contagion.” They claim unhappiness spreads not just because of obvious psychological reasons—but primal, evolutionary ones.
“The original form is the contagion of fear and alarm,” said Frans de Waal, a psychologist and primate expert at Atlanta’s Emory University. “You’re in a flock of birds. One bird suddenly takes off. You have no time to wait and see what’s going on. You take off, too. Otherwise, you’re lunch.”
Translation: Getting caught up in another’s negativity is a hardwired survival mechanism. Psychologists believe that “emotional contagion theory” is also a form of hardwired human mimicry—our instinctive human tendency to unconsciously imitate facial expressions, vocalizations, postures and body movements.
For example: If someone scratches their nose, you might suddenly feel your nostrils twitch. Or if someone yawns and stretches and gets sleepy, you might yawn and feel more tired, too. Mimicry is such a strong foundation of our human emotional development that even at a mere 1-hour old, a newborn infant will be hardwired to mimic a person’s facial gestures. Hence why you can smile at a 1-hour old baby, and this 1-hour old baby will smile back!
Translation: Our built-in human system for mimicry explains why we humans can transfer our good and bad moods to each other—if we aren’t careful!
Numerous studies have shown how when one person in a romantic coupling gets depressed, the other becomes more depressed. Psychologists believe this transfer of emotions is yet another form of empathy. In London’s University College, psychologist Tonia Singer and colleagues used brain scans to explore empathy in 19 romantic couples. She hooked both individuals to brain scans. One partner in the couple was given a slight electric shock while the other partner watched. Each of their scans showed identical brain reactions. Although only one partner was shocked, both partners’ pain centers lit up—as if both had been jolted.
On a more happy note…Howard Friedman, a psychologist at University of California at Irvine thinks “emotional contagion” is also why some people can inspire others to positive action—like a a joyous/exuberant partner in a romantic coupling. Friedman believes it’s because the happy person’s happy facial expression, happy voice, happy gestures and happy body movements conspire to transmit happy emotions.
For all these reasons, if you want to be in a happy relationship, you must prioritize finding a happy partner. If your partner is consistently unhappy, it won’t matter if they’re incredibly sexy, wildly funny, impressively successful, adorably charismatic — your relationship will be weighed down under the heaviness of their moods.
Hence if you’re single right now, you need to consciously focus on seeking a partner who embraces character values which help them to be emotionally stable, even-tempered, addiction-free, nutritionally balanced, physically active and full of high self-esteem — all of which will better ensure your partner will be healthfully happy - and together you might then live healthfully happily ever after!
Curious what those other 4 essential traits of the 5 in total might be? Check out PRINCE HARMING SYNDROME by clicking this line, right here, right NOW.
Oh - and if you enjoy by blog, I’d highly appreciate it if you helped to spread the viral word - by forwarding my url to friends/family/coworkers/crushes, linking to a post on Twitter ( follow me @notsalmon),and/or joining my FREE Be Happy Dammit newsletter by clicking RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW (you’ll be in a friendly crowd of 20,000 happy members!). Much-o appreciation-o! 
For example… it helps if your honey is VERY smart, or VERY talented, or VERY hardworking, or VERY nice, or VERY funny or VERY supportive, or VERY generous, or VERY full of interesting world lens comments, etc.
Basically… you need to see at least one magical, heart-fluttering quality about this man/woman that makes him/her stand out to you as special — admirable - cherishable - for true love to spring forth. When someone has a “1 VERY” aspect, it’s a sign of good, strong character - which Aristotle says is essential to find in a partner - because the healthiest, happiest relationships are what he calls “RELATIONSHIPS OF SHARED VIRTUE” - where you inspire each other to operate at your highest character, best potential.
Simultaneously, although finding one VERY in your partner is VERY good, finding two VERY aspects can be VERY bad.
For example… if your partner/crush is VERY, VERY funny - NON-STOP FUNNY – well, then, this might be a red flag — a sign that this person might be using all that ha-ha-ha laughter to avoid honest, open communication - and later, when you try to connect soul to soul—heart to heart—you might be greeted by a gigantic, unmovable whoopie cushion wall.
Or…if your partner/crush is VERY, VERY hardworking - this might also be a red flag a-waving that they might be VERY, VERY emotionally unavailable - leaving you VERY, VERY lonely.
Or…if your partner is VERY, VERY extravagant with money on you - they might be VERY, VERY low in self esteem — and trying to buy your love - without valuing what makes you (and themselves) truly priceless.
The list of “VERY, VERY” danger zones is endless. But the common red flag in all of them is the same. If someone is a VERY, VERY EXTREME of something - this means they are not operating from a place of what Aristotle calls THE MEAN ZONE - aka: the moderation zone.
According to Aristotle, everything has a MEAN ZONE/MODERATION ZONE —all of life’s actions, feelings and material goods.
Even lovingness has a mean zone! It exists somewhere between coldness and co-dependent suffocation!
Even truthfulness has a mean zone! It exists somewhere between outright lying and being hurtfully direct!
Even courageousness has a mean zone! It exists somewhere between fearfulness and rashness!
Even niceness has a mean zone! It exists somewhere between being a spineless worm and a jerk!
Let’s just take a quick moment to consider this last MEAN ZONE - of NICENESS. If sometimes you haven’t been attracted to a guy/gal because you feel that he/she’s “TOO nice!”—you were intuitively correct for not being attracted. According to Aristotle, it is actually not “strong character” to be a spineless, wormy, too nice person.
Guess what else?
You too must watch out for being a VERY, VERY spineless wormy too nice person. (After all, It’s hard to be your most attractive self when you have footprints on your face!)
YOUR ASSIGNMENT:
Brainstorm which one VERY special things your partner/crush has that make you all a-flutter? Compliment your partner/crush about them today. Next, brainstorm if they have any red flag VERY, VERY danger zones. If so, you might want to chat with them about them today. Oh - ditto for yourself. Brainstorm which one VERY special things you have to offer a partner — and let yourself feel proud and happy. Next - brainstorm if you have an VERY, VERY aspects you might need to tone down about yourself to rise up to your highest character, so you can be in your best relationship!
Oh - and if you enjoy by blog, I’d highly appreciate it if you helped to spread the viral word - by forwarding my url to friends/family/coworkers/crushes, linking to a post on Twitter ( follow me @notsalmon),and/or joining my FREE Be Happy Dammit newsletter by clicking RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW (you’ll be in a friendly crowd of 20,000 happy members!). Much-o appreciation-o!
