Tag Archive for 'love'
Welcome to Notsalmon.com, my Notsalmonite friend! If you’re reading this, then chances are you are a smart, busy, cool person - in search of the whole happiness enchillada: love, friendship, balance, success, moola, laughter, growth!
My goal for creating this daily blog - and all the books I write - is to help empower smart, busy, cool people - who might not have the time or inclination to read the typical corny self help stuff — by giving you the most fun, feisty, up to date, concise research on how to live your happiest life - no matter what your present challenges!
Yesterday I posted a blog about the benefits of surrounding yourself with a HIVE of sweet supportive people - who not only “get” you - but what to make sure you “get it all” - love, friendship, balance, success, moola, laughter, growth - you know, that aforementioned whole happiness enchillada!
Being part of a sweet supportive HIVE is a powerful motivational aid in achieving your goals - because there’s strength in numbers!
With this in mind, I want to encourage you to join my new FAN PAGE at FACEBOOK - which you can find by either typing in “Karen Salmansohn, best selling author.“ Or…by clicking this line, right here, RIGHT NOW and being whisked to my new FAN PAGE!
Once there, you will meet + join in lively conversation + garner empowering “whole happiness enchillada” support from lots of likeminded people + loveminded people + happinessminded people + balanceminded people! You know - people just like YOU!
ADDED REMINDER: If you’re truly determined to lead your highest potential, happiest life, I recommend you sign up for my famous and FREE “Be Happy Dammit Newsletter” - which you can do swiftly, by clicking this line, right here, RIGHT NOW!
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Seeking a happy relationship? If so - what traits are you prioritzing finding in a partner?
Most of the people I coach say they focus mainly on finding a partner who is sexy, smart, funny, successful, charismatic.
Although these qualities are important, in my book PRINCE HARMING SYNDROME I explain how there are 5 essential traits which must come far before these traits.
For the purposes of this blog, I will only be honing in on 1 of these 5 traits - the trait of “happy.”
Basically, if you want to live happily ever after, your partner has to be healthfully happy!
It’s like this:
If your partner is consistently unhappy, it will be as if they are giving off “a smell of unhappiness”—which can create two problems:
1. Firstly, your partner is often not aware that this “smell of unhappiness” is emanating from them. They just know “unhappiness is abounding.” The risk? They will sniff around, see you close by, then blame that unhappy stench all on you!
2. Secondly, your partner’s bad unhappiness smell can ruin your mood, making your home environment hard to be within. Sure, it’s good to be there to support your partner—but not if you’re doing it so much it makes you potentially get depressed too.
Psychologists and biologists even have a name for this: “emotional contagion.” They claim unhappiness spreads not just because of obvious psychological reasons—but primal, evolutionary ones.
“The original form is the contagion of fear and alarm,” said Frans de Waal, a psychologist and primate expert at Atlanta’s Emory University. “You’re in a flock of birds. One bird suddenly takes off. You have no time to wait and see what’s going on. You take off, too. Otherwise, you’re lunch.”
Translation: Getting caught up in another’s negativity is a hardwired survival mechanism. Psychologists believe that “emotional contagion theory” is also a form of hardwired human mimicry—our instinctive human tendency to unconsciously imitate facial expressions, vocalizations, postures and body movements.
For example: If someone scratches their nose, you might suddenly feel your nostrils twitch. Or if someone yawns and stretches and gets sleepy, you might yawn and feel more tired, too. Mimicry is such a strong foundation of our human emotional development that even at a mere 1-hour old, a newborn infant will be hardwired to mimic a person’s facial gestures. Hence why you can smile at a 1-hour old baby, and this 1-hour old baby will smile back!
Translation: Our built-in human system for mimicry explains why we humans can transfer our good and bad moods to each other—if we aren’t careful!
Numerous studies have shown how when one person in a romantic coupling gets depressed, the other becomes more depressed. Psychologists believe this transfer of emotions is yet another form of empathy. In London’s University College, psychologist Tonia Singer and colleagues used brain scans to explore empathy in 19 romantic couples. She hooked both individuals to brain scans. One partner in the couple was given a slight electric shock while the other partner watched. Each of their scans showed identical brain reactions. Although only one partner was shocked, both partners’ pain centers lit up—as if both had been jolted.
On a more happy note…Howard Friedman, a psychologist at University of California at Irvine thinks “emotional contagion” is also why some people can inspire others to positive action—like a a joyous/exuberant partner in a romantic coupling. Friedman believes it’s because the happy person’s happy facial expression, happy voice, happy gestures and happy body movements conspire to transmit happy emotions.
For all these reasons, if you want to be in a happy relationship, you must prioritize finding a happy partner. If your partner is consistently unhappy, it won’t matter if they’re incredibly sexy, wildly funny, impressively successful, adorably charismatic — your relationship will be weighed down under the heaviness of their moods.
Hence if you’re single right now, you need to consciously focus on seeking a partner who embraces character values which help them to be emotionally stable, even-tempered, addiction-free, nutritionally balanced, physically active and full of high self-esteem — all of which will better ensure your partner will be healthfully happy - and together you might then live healthfully happily ever after!
Curious what those other 4 essential traits of the 5 in total might be? Check out PRINCE HARMING SYNDROME by clicking this line, right here, right NOW.
Oh - and if you enjoy by blog, I’d highly appreciate it if you helped to spread the viral word - by forwarding my url to friends/family/coworkers/crushes, linking to a post on Twitter ( follow me @notsalmon),and/or joining my FREE Be Happy Dammit newsletter by clicking RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW (you’ll be in a friendly crowd of 20,000 happy members!). Much-o appreciation-o! 
If you’re feeling as if staying close is not so simple, that’s because the male and female brain are very complex.
Very.
And that’s not just my opinion. According to Louann Brizendine — professor of psychiatry with an expertise in neuroscience — WOW - what a difference a chromosome makes!
Brizendine in her writings explains how a man’s hypothalamus – the brain area which governs sexual pursuit — is said to be potentially as much as seven times larger than a female’s hypothalamus – making it a fact that men have sex on the brain more than women – in a literal sense. Plus, it has also been estimated that the sex circuits in a typical man’s brain light up once a minute — much more often than a woman’s – only in the particular Brizendine article I read, she didn’t say how much more.
One thing men and women actually do share in common – the natural decline in dopamine and oxytocin (the two male and female stimulators of feelings of emotional attachment). It’s both a male and female phenomenon that as length of a relationship increases, the plentihood of dopamine and oxytocin decrease.
However Brizendine shares a silver lining within the midst of this dark neurological cloud: “Anything that brings the two of you together –reading on the couch with her legs stretched across your knees, or watching TV with your heads resting together — can produce a splash of (dopamine and oxytocin).”
A quick tip in particular for men: “Studies have found that a hug from a partner will produce an oxytocin rush in a woman’s brain–but only if that hug lasts 20 seconds or more. And just about everything that falls under the general heading of ‘foreplay’ is likely to produce a similar effect.”
A quick warning in particular for women: “The effects of oxytocin can be incredibly disarming to a woman. Female animals injected with the stuff seem to throw caution to the wind and cuddle up with the first available male. And that is why, when women ask me for advice about men, I warn them, "Don’t hug the guy unless you plan to trust him."
One particular story Brizendine shared truly stood out …about a couple seeking marital aid.
In Brizendine’s words: “The woman–let’s call her Jane–had virtually stopped having sex with her husband, whom we’ll call Evan. They had both begun new jobs, and the hot wires that connected them had gradually gone cold. Jane never felt in the mood. Evan suspected she had a lover. Jane was thunderstruck. How could Evan imagine such a thing?”
“Never in the mood,” says Brizendine, is one of the most common complaints women bring to her office, and one of the easiest to fix. It’s simply what happens when male and female brains – being so different — miss the point with one another.
Brizendine explains: “It was natural for Evan, with his male brain bleating for sex once a minute, to assume that his wife had similar appetites that were being satisfied elsewhere. Jane had no idea that to the male brain, sex is as essential to a relationship as TALKING.”
The couple hashed out their problems in Brizendine’s office. When they returned two weeks later, their sex life was as hot as ever.
How?
The couple together had decided to stop referring to sex as "sex.”
Instead the husband and wife had good humorously re-named sex as: "male communication."
Brizendine joked back to all of her male readers of her work that she wished them “an abundance of male communication.”
I agree – and would like to add a note to all of you women readers out there. I wish you all plenty of multiple male communication!
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