I was single, in my 40’s, and feeling a lot like that famous Roy Lichtenstein painting – with the woman slapping her forehead – a thought bubble floating above, saying: “I can’t believe I forgot to have children!”
I remember it was a Sunday evening. I had just gotten off the phone with my friend Lisa, sharing how frustrated I was with my disappointing dating life – and admitting I was now ready to give up on ever having a family of my own.
She tried to encourage me to believe in a world where I was happily coupled with an adorable child – but I was NOT buying it. I thanked her – then decided the best choice was to simply quiet my Heavy Longing – and give up on this dream.
“Sshhhhh,” I told my Heavy Longing. “You’re bugging me! Please just go to sleep!”
Next, I headed to the laundry room to organize my dry clothes into categorical piles: Yoga pants. Underwear. Sheets. Suddenly I found myself confused. There entwined with one of my g-strings was a teeny tiny tee shirt – a little white one – the size of one of my hands. I wondered: Had I super-shrunk one of my tees to this miniscule size?
I then realized: Nope. This was an infant’s tee shirt – accidentally left behind in the building’s dryer by a bleary-eyed tired mother.I remember thinking how dimension-wise my little g-string and this mini baby tee shirt made sense as a garment duo. Although as far as my life was concerned, the latter clothing morsel made no sense in my laundry at all.
In fact, this baby tee seemed to be a rather cruel mistake – considering how much I wanted a baby.
I closely examined this baby tee in the fluorescent laundry room light. It pained my heart to look at it. I wanted a baby soooooo badly.
I wondered: Was this baby tee meant to serve as a little mystically sent epsom salts for my fatigued inner spirit – a wake up call for my Heavy Longing – making sure my soul’s truest desires did not go to sleep?
Was this baby tee meant to stop me in my tracks and remind me: “Yo Karen! You know you want a loving partner and child! You must tap into the power of belief that you will get this! You must keep on searching!”
I know that’s a pretty grand message to come from such a mini tee. But that’s how I interpreted receiving this lost item. I felt like the Universe was staging a Laundry Room Intervention – stopping me from pulling the plug on faith.
I confess: I kept that baby tee shirt. Yep, I stashed it in my laundry basket – then brought it straight to my apartment. I looked at it frequently – to purposefully remind myself of my heart’s Heavy Longing – whenever faith was lagging.
Thanks to that tiny tee I began to tell all the men I dated – on the second date – that I only wanted to get involved with someone who wanted a family. It was this decisive screening process that ultimately empowered me to find a loving partner who was passionate about both me and starting a family.
In December 2009 I found out I was pregnant – thanks to the miracle of IVF. Now here I am: December 2014. I’m preparing to celebrate the new year with my happy little family – my “two handsomes,” as I call my sweetie and my sweet son.
It’s funny how life works. How one overly fatigued mother’s laundry mistake could create such a ripple affect – encouraging me to upgrade my faith – thereby upgrade my dating habits – thereby create new life to boot.
I credit The Power of Belief – for keeping me moving me forward – even when what I was seeking to find felt like a wildly moving target.
It’s also important to note that if I’m giving credit where credit is due, that I must also thank the Power Of Right Action. After all, I didn’t just say affirmations – I did affirmative actions. I put in the effort and bravery to tell men up front about my truest desires – that I wanted a loving, committed partnership – and child – even when I felt that this was tough to say out loud.
If there’s something you want with all your heart – I encourage you to to tap into The Power of Belief – as well as The Power of Right Action (which includes The Power of Effort, The Power Of Courage and The Power of Patience) so you ensure your thoughts, words and behavior are aimed in the direction of your Heavy Longing.
It’s also essential that you mindfully appreciate your progress. Please notice and celebrate any and all small milestones. Look for clues to what you’re doing right – and doing wrong. Learn from everything. Thomas Edison said that famous quote – about how he did not fail all those 10,000 times he tried to invent the lightbulb. He just found 10,000 ways which didn’t work – and learned from each of them. Well, that was me – with the men I was dating. I consciously chose to learn as much as I could from each attempted relationship. Then I dusted myself off, and kept on searching.
Recently my now 4 year old son (Ari Salmansohn) said to me, “Mommy, I’m so glad I found you!”
Yes, he said that he found me!
I smiled, thinking about this idea: how what I was searching for was also searching for me.
I remembered back to that fateful evening in the laundry room, 6 years ago, when I was almost ready to stop seeking my Heavy Longing.
Now here I was, with this amazing child!
“I’m so glad you found me too,” I told my son, hugging him tightly. “I was looking for you everywhere – now here you are!”
If you are feeling a heavy longing to find and keep love, I encourage you to explore the tools in my NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM – a life-changing online program – which you can watch or listen to on any kind of computer or idevice. Finding your soulmate doesn’t have to feel painful. I will give you the tools you need to stop your pattern of feeling fooled, disappointed, angry and alone. Click now to find out more! Plus, for a limited time THE NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM is discounted!
Hi I’m Karen Salmansohn, founder of NotSalmon. My mission is to offer you easy-to-understand insights and tools to empower you to bloom into your happiest, highest potential self. I use playful analogies, feisty humor, and stylish graphics to distill big ideas – going as far back as ancient wisdom from Aristotle, Buddhism and Darwin to the latest research studies from Cognitive Therapy, Neuro Linquistic Programming, Neuroscience, Positive Psychology, Quantum Physics, Nutritional Studies – and then some.